


To Love a Sinner

by Farstrider



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Masterbation, additional warnings at beginnings of each chapter, dorky cowboys and the ninja who love them, mentions of abuse and mistreatment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-19 09:18:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7355119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Farstrider/pseuds/Farstrider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Genji always loved the old stories of heroes and monsters, long journeys with unexpected companions and star crossed romances. Where at the end of the tale the treasure long sought after was right there at the beginning all along. They do not live in this kind of world. Hanzo Shimada was a sinner, a brother killer, irredeemable in every sense of the word. Exile and solitude were all he deserved. When Genji asked him to join Overwatch he did so out of obligation. This was no story of their youth. There is no redemption for him, there are no monsters in the world, no one has done as bad as he has, and certainly no one could love a sinner like him. Too bad one Jesse McCree refuses to listen to his completely sound logic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pilgrimage

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to a thing! I honestly don't really know where this is going but welcome along the ride! Told largely from Hanzo's perspective and involving a lot of his inner thoughts it's a tale of a man who feels he deserves the world's hurts for what he has done. Maybe he can be shown that he is not lost and that someone can love a sinner.
> 
> This chapter features quotes from the Dragons short.
> 
> Warnings and additional notes will be found here. I am working on more but it could be a slow process. Feedback and comments are welcome. Thank you for your patience. You can find my Overwatch blog at https://threehanzomoon.tumblr.com/
> 
> Previously in the Summary:  
> Some say you are supposed to love the sinner and hate the sin. Hanzo Shimada knows he has sinned and believes redemption is out of his grasp. He is no hero, not the one his Brother claims he can be; but, with Overwatch's help maybe he could be. Aid comes in the most unusual of places in a wild cowboy who can teach this old dragon a few new tricks and maybe a reason to keep on fighting.

Old stories, he told himself, that was all they were. Stories of heroes, of dragon brothers, of monsters and monsters who fought them. Tales of men who traveled long distances in search of something they already possessed but could not see. Just stories to occupy children. He found them occupying his thoughts regardless among other things.

 

Hanzo Shimada was a man with many troubles heaped upon his shoulders. Many of these wounds, he reflected, were self inflicted. He could not justify his brother’s death no matter how hard he tried. Not for honor, not for his father or clan. He struck the blow so it was his doing. It was his shame to bare, doubly so for it was genji’s life that was the price of such a lesson. Part of him tried to anyway, the part that spoke in his Father’s voice. It was an argument he found himself having often with himself in the days since running into the specter of his sins. 

 

One of many sins he bore on his shoulders and his heart. One of many weights he deserved to bare for his wrongdoings. Hanzo had plenty of time to reflect on them all, on how Genji’s comrades in Overwatch would greet him. Wondered what they were like during the long journey from Hanamura to Gibraltar. What else was there to do on such a long trip?

 

_ You think your honor your brother Genji with incense and offerings? _

 

All the while Genji’s words to him haunted his steps. If not for those words than the fact Genji lived. That he’d come to find Hanzo. That he..wanted him to be here.

 

_ Honor resides in one’s actions. _

 

He knew that Genji had been involved with the raid on the Shimada Gumi not long after he himself had fled, renouncing title and claim. They nearly burned Shimada Castle to the ground. They had lost good men that day on both sides. Overwatch lost people in the fight while even long after the coals had turned to ash the Shimada blades fell on those who they thought had brought such disgrace upon the family.

 

Then they turned to him...dogged his steps for years.

 

_ Real life is not like the stories our father told us. _

 

Now he dogged his brother’s steps, or rather the clues he’d left. Genji must have been following him for some time to leave his invitation, tickets to the West, and a communications code to allow him past the sentries and security devices. He did not bother using them.

 

The last few days of his journey he simply walked through the countryside, camped in the woods, enjoyed the silence and solitude that he’d grown accustomed to in the last many years. The simple joy of a sunrise. The pleasure of bird song. The soothing touch of a breeze on a warm day. He would know these things still but part of him wondered if he would. If he deserved to.

 

_ Perhaps I am a fool to think there is still hope for you. _

 

If Genji was in that metal shell somewhere at all did he truly remember? Did he truly live? Why had he returned at all? How had he survived? Was forgiveness possible? 

 

Not for him, he reminded himself. What he had done was inexcusable. What followed too could never be forgiven.  _ A man is responsible for his actions and words. _

 

If it was revenge he would have understood it far better. All these thoughts clouded his mind too much. Time to clear the air. Observe what lay before him before trying to make any decisions. Clear his mind and focus on what was before him. His mind provided no answers or at least any he was comfortable dealing with.

 

The archer set up several hides and nests from which to watch this Overwatch from. The sea was to the west, a cliff face with dunes and scrub forest beyond to the north where he made his home camp. He had little, just enough to survive and keep moderately sheltered as he slept on his outer clothes beneath a tarp he’d found abandoned on the beach. The base itself was wedged into one of the massive stones that made Gibraltar so famous, a bottleneck near what was once the main gate that was chained off. If one was not watching it still looked empty.

 

Many of the walls were clean of bird dung and patched from holes. One was newly painted. Generators hummed in the night and a few lights remained on in the dark. From the right angle on the cliffs he could see lights along one side of the many buildings of the base. They often winked off in the later hours of the evening. People must reside there. The massive structures that once housed and cared for the launch of spacecraft were mostly untouched and made for good places to hide.

 

The sprawling ‘abandoned’ base was easy to watch from afar once he figured out how to avoid the drones that wandered the far perimeter. A fight had taken place at some recent point. Repelling gear abandoned on the beach, blast marks on concrete, tighter security the closer to the research labs and personnel areas. 

 

It seemed Overwatch was having troubles. This did not surprise him in the least.

 

Hanzo became bolder as the days crept onward and he continued his watch. Soon he was sneaking onto the base at night, finding the cameras and the weak points in security. Often he did not bring his bow. If discovered he’d prefered not to be seen as a threat. Everyone else walked around fully armed. Each person a little more odd than the last. If these were the people Genji associated with he could at least get to know something of them.

 

Tucked up beneath the shadow of an observation tower, once used to see aircraft of some sort land and in a blind spot of cameras he waited. He watched as two of the Overwatch agents left one of the buildings, a cart pushed full of debris from the cleanup effort. One was young, dark skinned and full of energy, of life. He skated along in strange armor talking a mile a minute to his companion.

 

A Cowboy. A bonafide actual real life cowboy. Hat and boots and chaps and all. 

 

The youth skated around the Cowboy, speaking animatedly about some new music he was working on. It was hard to keep up and some of the slang escaped Hanzo all together. 

 

Genji would understand. Genji would enjoy this man’s company greatly.

 

“Yo, Eastwood.” The youth called “You really think Genji’s older bro is gunna show?”

“Well, pardner, I don’t rightly know.” Hanzo frowned. Even the accent? It was more… southern drawl than western vernacular. “Can lead a horse to water but can’t make em drink. Whole idea has Poor Angel all in a tizzy, Big Fella too. Winston said he’d be willin but 76.” He trailed off. “Shoot, ol man’s probably gunna punch his lights out if he don’t do nothin else.”

 

“What’s got them so aggro bout the whole thing? What’s the beef?” The skater asked as he controlled the cart to dump the load into the refuse pile. It was slowly starting to turn into a barrier or perhaps cover? Intentional maybe?

 

“That you’d have to ask them about, or Gen. Ain’t my yarn to spin.” the Cowboy, Eastwood, said. His answer caused the young man to deflate.

 

“Awww come on Eastwood! Don’t leave a brother hangin! Cuz I know you know, so why not get your bro in the know, yo?” The poor young man flailed at Eastwood.

 

“Come on now, don’t be givin' me those big frog eyes, pardner! It ain’t my story to tell. Sides Genji’s brother ain’t the only former crime syndicate member we got you know.”

 

“Aww Eastwood but you gone and turned over a new leaf! You’re one of the good guys now. The Shimada Yakuza are still out there doin' bad and for all we know so is this Hanso guy.”

 

Whatever was said next was lost as they moved out of range, returning to get another load of debris to toss out into a growing refuse pile. Hanzo moved away, knowing the drones path would cross his hiding place. Hanzo left the compound for the day, returning to the cool dune grasses and low trees out of sight of the base. He had much to think on.

  
_ Perhaps I was a fool to think there was still hope for you. But I do ...think on that, Brother. _


	2. Penitent Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo contemplates the people his brother now associates with as well as himself. Is he the man his brother thinks he is? Who has his brother become? Most importantly why is he still hiding?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo chapter two! Many Hanzo thinks and notes. Hints at past trauma. C&C is appreciated. It's currently unbeted but I'm doing my best. Props to Robert Frost for a line in here.

Over the next week Hanzo continued his observations, catching bits and pieces of conversations as he could without being seen or noticed. He kept notes on his person about each member of the team he ran into or observed, trying to paint even a small picture. He knew they thought of him as a gangster still, maybe an assassin, a prideful heir to a crime dynasty at most. Possibly affluent, maybe still working for them, maybe a plant. He had no such intentions but words could only speak so much. 

 

In truth he wasn’t sure what he would answer should they ask who he was. The idea of having no identity besides what they viewed before them and being Genji’s brother  _ who murdered him _ unnerved him. As he sat in his small camp he went over his notes again.

 

There was the Omnic who looked like a monk, his voice as serene as snow peaked mountains and clothing befitting a man of simple means. Genji was often with him so Hanzo knew little, struggling to avoid his sibling as much as possible.

 

There was the old soldier, 76, who prowled the labs and areas leading into them like a hound on the scent of a familiar prey. He wore his facemask and visor constantly, spoke with a military terseness born of tragedy and mistakes. An old hound too aware of the dangers of the world.

 

In contrast was Lucio, the energetic skater. In his brief forays into town Hanzo had seen his face on a poster in a music shop. Apparently he was a music idol. A bit more digging also told him he was a wanted terrorist according to some companies in South America.

 

The giant muscle of a man who’s voice boomed loudly everywhere he went remained unnamed. Sometimes called 'Gramps’ or ‘Big Fella’ he was as old or older than the Soldier. A bit more… addled too. Hanzo had watched him in the open air training grounds with some of the others, seeing the huge armor and tendencies to charge headlong into trouble.

 

Often seen with him was a blond woman in curious clothing. Hanzo guessed that was ‘Angel’ that the cowboy mentioned. She was most often near the research and medical labs so probably a medic or researcher. She was accompanied at times as well by Lucio or the giant or the Ape.

 

There was a gorilla… in a jet suit… a well spoken gorilla in a jet suit. That was all he had and about all he felt he needed for now.

 

Of course there was the Cowboy. He heard his name once, McCree, but most of the younger members called him Eastwood. He liked to use one of the firing ranges, spending sometimes hours standing perfectly still before unloading a full chamber of his revolver. A hand cannon more like it, the way Hanzo saw how heavy it sunk into the holster on the man’s hip. He had a lazy manner about him, one far too familiar with all those around him. He smoked, he laughed too loud, he slouched and did not kick mud off his boots. Despite those faults he was an amazing marksman from what Hanzo could observe.

 

He watched them all, followed their movements, mapped out who wandered where, what times they moved, what parts of the base were the most abandoned and which was most active. He ate fish he caught on the beach or simple foods from stalls in town an hour or more walk from the base. Slept in the sand or beneath the boughs of low trees. 

 

Why are you here he asked himself. He’d been living for years now from place to place, a shadow, a ronin in a world where they did not exist. Since the fall of Overwatch there were no more heroes. The world had rejected the notion of it. Yet he could not deny that the world too was growing more dangerous. That tension sang everywhere he went, even in such bucolic surroundings as he found himself in now.

 

Genji would not have sought him out and spared his life, asking for him to pick a side, if he did not believe in the need to do so. His older self told him Genji was a sentimental fool. He knew however his old self also still felt it was justice to kill Genji for disobeying the Clan.

 

He was not Genji, obviously, so he had to figure it out for himself. He was an assassin, trained from a young age to track, watch, and kill people. If nothing else this Overwatch could point him at the people who needed killing. He could do that, had done that, for less noble goals.

 

Was that enough? It would have to be for now. He had no more answers sitting on the edge of his future while walled in from behind by his past.

 

There was only so much a man could learn from a distance. If he got too close however he knew he could not avoid them all for long without being spotted. He couldn’t stay out here forever. The question boiled down one day when the sky turned gray as his hair did he want to.

 

In a last ditch thought he pondered just disappearing into the the inland areas, wander the world a vagabond like he’d been wandering Japan. Find solitude, find work…

 

_ How long do you think we’d let you run coward?  _ The words fill his mind as loud as the thunder crack that split the sky. The heavens begin to empty in heavy sheets that chill him instantly to the bone.

 

Time to decide. Stay or leave. Struggle or flee.  _ Two roads diverge in a yellow wood... _

 

Heaving a sigh Hanzo gathered his meager belongings, leaving the tarp up just in case. As he rounded the hill and came to the crest of the cliff he froze. Had his thoughts summoned the statue standing in the middle of the airfield? He could see the dull green glow in the mist, the black bandana snapping in the wind as Genji stood sentinel, looking right up at the cliff.

 

Right at him. No... through him it felt like. Into his soul. Hanzo shivered hard and pretended it was from the rain.

 

Of course Genji would know right where he was. Be it his technology or the Dragon still in his skin of course he knew. He had to still be a man in there for a Dragon would not allow itself to be bound to armor and gears.

 

The slope was muddy and difficult to descend, forcing him to abandon some of his usual grace. He wondered how he looked to his brother as he closes the distance between them. His clothing was soaked and dust covered, disheveled from travel and sleeping outdoors. All he had was what he carried. His storm bow in one hand, quiver packed solid in arrows, a flask of Sake and a small bag over his shoulder. There stood his brother, a proud warrior, a weapon, a true dragon. 

 

What was I, Hanzo wondered, a homeless man at best. A dead man was another option. He could settle for either at this point.

 

Genji’s stiff posture eased from defensive to welcoming, soft almost as Hanzo got within speaking distance. Genji was not the man he’d killed… not the youth full of rebellion...not the sparrow who could not be caged.

 

Had he been so left behind? Yes and he deserved it.

 

He could see others in the near distance, beneath the roof of the outer compound. Smoke curled from under McCree’s hat as he chewed on his cigar. The ape adjusted his glasses, fogged by the rain. 76 stood with his rifle at the ready but not aimed. 

 

_ If you were a penitent man, Shimada, you’d kneel.  _ Ghosts of days not long past force him to his knees.  _ Where is that legendary pride, Wolf of the Shimada _ the ghost cackled and he ignored them.

 

Hanzo Shimada, once proud heir of the Shimada Gumi unslung his bag to let it fall to his side and held his bow out to the ghost of his brother. He heard the sharp inhale as Hanzo bent further, placing his bow on the ground followed by his forehead pressed to the tarmac.

 

“Brother...” Genji shifted on his feet, his body so silent. Hanzo could hear his breath, imagined his face behind the mask.

“My bow, my skill, my life is yours. As it should always have been.” Hanzo said, refusing to look up. The wind snapped at the silk tie to his hair, flipping it over his shoulder to smack wetly into his face as if chastising him. “If you will have me.”

 

“I would be glad to have you at my side, brother.” Genji knelt and held a hand out, palm up, to his brother. “Come let’s get inside before you catch cold.”

 

Whoever this man had become was a far greater man than Hanzo. A man he needed to earn the right to call brother. He took Genji’s extended hand, standing up with his things and following him towards the others. He watched Genji’s step bounce a little when he caught sight of the Omnic monk, a tension leave his shoulders.

 

Maybe if he had not been paying such close attention to his sibling’s reaction he would have seen the punch 76 nailed him with once he was in range. It hit like lightning, swift and nearly deadly, causing his vision to flash white and a roar to fill his ears.

 

He never felt himself hit the ground.  _ Otosan will disapprove… _


	3. Honor thy Father and Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Children are commanded to honor their Father and Mother. Sadly Hanzo has never been good at doing that or stopping his mouth from running when feeling a little more than cornered. Hanzo brings out the best in people.
> 
> Mentions of past abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's been reading, liking, sharing, and following. I really appreciate each and every one of you! Thank you for enjoying your time here.  
> I promise there is a plan and a method to this madness.
> 
> Today features: GrumpyDad76, Snippy!Mercy, Sassy!Genji, and Awkward!McCree
> 
> CnC welcome and much appreciated.

 

 

 

He was dreaming, he had to be. He wouldn't care to remember this garden and this rainy day casually.

 

_The rain was cold that winter morning as Hanzo stood out in the sand garden, face red with shame and body rigid despite the downpour. He’d disappointed father. He should know better. He was the heir. He was the future of the clan. He should have known better._

 

_“You will stay there until called. Obedience seems to be a lesson you will have to learn the hard way.” He could feel the heat in his father’s words, felt the ache in the blow to his head. He was Shimada he could endure. Hanzo sniffed and rubbed at the aching bruise beneath his wet hair. At least the rain hid his childish tears._

 

_“Hanzo-nii!” His head snaps up to hear his little brother call to him. He watches Genji run out of the house, no sandals on, with an umbrella dragged behind him. “You’ll get sick!”_

 

_“Genji go back inside.” He meant his voice to sound stern but it shivered. He was cold, his heavy kimono soaked all the way to his skin. “Otosan will disapprove.”_

 

_“He left for the day, what would he know?” Genji forced the umbrella open and stood beside his brother trying to hold it up while balancing on tiptoes. “Sora-obasan said you’ll catch cold.”_

 

_“Otosan said I must stay till he calls for me.” Hanzo tries to sound as stern as his father, demanding of respect and obedience. He’d already been out there for hours and if his father had left hours more._

 

_“He isn’t here. Please come inside! No one will watch Totoro with me!” Genji bounced on his toes, his voice quivering as bad as his lip._

 

_“All right…” Hanzo relented, taking the umbrella and following Genji back inside. His first duty was to watch over Genji after all. Maybe Father wouldn’t be angry would he?_

\-----

He had been furious, Hanzo remembered, dragging him outside and teaching him with blows to be obedient and his word was law. He spent the entire night out in the rain and of course two days later was stuck in bed with fever watching Totoro with Genji.

The memory began to fade, like mists parting before the heat of dawn as Hanzo returned to the waking world. One moment he’d been walking behind his brother, in the next a flash, then nothing. Pain blossomed in his jaw as he opened his eyes, the room bright and cheery. It made him wince and close his eyes again.

So this is what the inside of the medical bay looked like. It smelled like a medlab with a faint wisp of vanilla in the background. The bed he lay in was soft but not overly so and warmed from within the mattress. The sheets were too crisp and not terribly thick but pulled high on his chest, a heavier blanket over that hiked up higher. What annoyed him was the distinct lack of any of his cloths. Someone must have removed them at some point only to replace them with a soft paper gown.

Voices filtered into his awareness and he put his heart rate back to a resting one, focusing on seeming unconscious. He was glad now for the high blankets.

“...and then he just goes and hauls off with a right hook that sent the poor bastard to the ground without so much as a how’dyado.” McCree’s voice is much different up close, much louder than he expected but no less  interesting to hear. He can still pick up tiny inflections of Southeastern American.

“I should have expected something.” Genji’s voice makes him tense briefly then force himself again to relax. He hopes they are not looking too closely at him. “Much as I am unhappy with 76 I am relieved that was the worst he did.”

“He ain’t the first who will wanna do that. Hell I got half a mind to myself.” He can hear knuckles crack and smell McCree’s cigar.

“Jesse McCree would you put out that thing while you are in my medbay.” Her voice is stern but soft, European accent mostly Germanic...that must be Angel. She had nearly no presence in his space but she was there none the less.

“Sorry Ma’am.” he can hear the offensive item be snuffed out and tucked into a pocket. “Forgot I was even worrying at it.”

“It is bad enough you ‘worry’ at it at all but that is neither here nor there.” she continued. He felt gentle fingers at his wrist, heard light tapping on a surface and a slight tut.

“How is he?” Genji again, still at a distance like he is nervous about getting too close.

“In general he is well, slight fever but it should pass. His weight looks good but I am not too happy about some of his nutrient balances. The skin on his lower limbs looks worse than it really is.”

Lower limbs? He stops himself from flexing, from trying to make his toes curl because when she mentions it he knows he doesn’t HAVE toes to flex.

“Who the hell gets a fever standin in the rain for a few hours?” McCree’s mutterings does nothing to distract nor abate the brief and powerful panic welling in Hanzo’s chest at someone having removed his legs without permission.

“Otosan used to make him stand out in it for hours, sometimes even overnight, if he did something to displease him.” Genji explained. Genji could see, he knew, **he knew…**

“Hell of a thing for a parent to do.” McCree grunted, a boot scuffing the floor.

“Those were the easy days.” Genji’s tone confuses Hanzo a little but it’s a thought to go over later once the panic stopped making his heart skip beneath the doctor’s fingers.

“Gentlemen.” Both men went quiet as the doctor spoke. “I have some tests to run and would prefer a lack of audience. If you could please wait out in the lobby.” Her tone was final and both men shuffle out, one louder than the other. “They are gone.” she soothes. **She knows…**

Hanzo let out a shaky breath, eyes opening to look up at the blond doctor with a scowl. “Why did you remove them?”

“Your initial health scan showed swelling in your prosthetic. I needed to remove them to inspect your residual limbs. You maintain yourself well but it is very clear they were on too long.” the doctor admonished. Giving up pretending to rest Hanzo heaved himself to sit up. “Your clothing is being cleaned and mended as well. You can have it back within the hour.”

He frowned at how his legs beneath the sheets just ended. That old panic returned every time he saw them but he tamped it down. “Understandable.” He cast a glance around to spot his prosthesis on a table nearby, the lining sleeves cleaned of sand and grit laying beside them. “I will take my legs back.”

“In a few minutes.” the doctor bit out, being a little more terse than he remembered seeing her be around others. So it must just be him. “I just wish to do a little inspection before I let you put them back on. Our engineers took a look at them and besides sand could find nothing in need of repair.”

“Do you make it a habit to pass a man’s legs around?” The words leave his mouth before his brain can tell him to be more tactful. Her expression lets him know it is not appreciated.

“Now I know why J… 76 punched you.” She muttered before taking a deep breath and doing what she needed. “I am sorry...You are my patient and I will do you no harm while you are in my care.”

Hanzo kept himself smartly quiet this time. Her hands were firm but gentle as she manipulated his limbs, voice soft and focused as she asked him to move and show range of motion. The air chilled in the room and he tried his best not to shiver.

“I suspect it was more from my history with Genji than anything I had said.” Hanzo said eventually when the doctor moved away to retrieve his limbs.

“Genji is a sweet young man, talented, and personable. He’s a much loved member of the team.” the doctor explained as she brought his limbs over. She set down a jar of ointment, his own from his gear, and moved to help him reattach.

“So it seems.” Hanzo reached down and took the jar. “I will do this, thank you.” It came out harsher than he wished and the tension in her shoulders tightened again. “My apologies. I am… not warm like my brother.”

The ‘obviously’ wasn’t said out loud but said loud enough in her look at him before she moved off. “A product, he says, of upbringing and self exile.” she said louder but added with a mutter he was sure he wasn’t meant to hear “poor socialization, defensive, something to monitor.”

Hanzo said nothing as he got his legs back on. It was a process he hadn’t bothered with for weeks. They could handle being on for so long thanks to their design but weeks of sleeping in the sand didn’t do him any favors. He was aware of someone looking at him besides the doctor, a quick glance finding an observation window and both McCree and Genji standing there. He could see McCree talking but between the beard and the cigar in his mouth his lips were hard to read. _Focus on the task at hand. If they want to look, let them._

Ointment first, to lessen friction and care for the skin, rubbed in from the end of each stump high on his thigh. The ends of his limbs were crisscrossed with scars, light and shadow fractured across his skin. The sleeves went on next after a brief inspection that the receptors are in good condition. There was recent looking work done on them both so someone must have repaired them. They slid on easily, up past his knee, up part of his thigh for the best connections to nerve and muscle impulses. He did his best not to think what those beyond the glass must be thinking as he slid his legs into each of the limbs, adjusting the angle of the fit before locking them in place. Only when the inner parts of his limbs tightened and adjusted did he feel whole and more confident again. _A facade as you are not a whole man_.

“You’re very adept at that.” The doctor comments, watching him as he stood back up and tested his balance. His legs are quieter than they were before yet louder than Genji’s entire body.

“They can be on quicker if need be.” he assured, flexing his toes and checking articulation.

“Good.” The hairs on the back of his neck went rigid and his gaze snapped up. He didn’t sense Soldier 76 until he spoke but now his presence was impossible not to notice. Hanzo squared his shoulders and stood up straighter. “If you’re called on a job I expect you to be fully ready to deploy as fast as possible.”

“So you intend to make use of my skills or just my use as a punching bag?” Again his mouth ran before his brain had time to approve of his words. He’s bristling and so is the soldier.

“A man with no legs is no use to me if he can’t get them under him fast enough.” 76 gets right up in his face, if it were not for the face mask he was sure he could feel his breath on his face.

“Says the nearly blind man.” He kept his voice quiet as he said it and this time caught the arm that raised up to punch him again.

“The hell you know?!” 76’s growl was nearly palpable, his grip suddenly on the front of the paper gown hard like iron.

“Observation. When you prowl the western side of the base at night you listen first before visually scanning the area, trying to ignore the sound of the sea for anything else hiding in the background.” Hanzo kept his tone cool and calm to offset the fire 76 was nearly breathing.

“So you were watching us? How long have you been hiding up in the dunes?” 76 nearly shook him and Hanzo let him.

“Two and a half weeks. Long enough to learn your patrol patterns, your holes in security, identify individuals and their habits.” Hanzo could feel 76 growing more and more angry as he spoke. “Patience and vigilance yield many results.”

“You want me to believe that you just sat up on the hill watching us for two and a half goddamned weeks?” 76 growled and let go of Hanzo’s cloths, rocking the man back and forth.

“No.” Hanzo said and it got 76 to let him go, moving away. “Half of the time I was in the compound itself.”

He let the punch land, in the stomach this time, and leaned back onto the medbay bed to keep from folding up under the force of the blow.

“76! I will not have you beating or interrogating my patients!” Mercy grabbed the soldier by the scruff of his jacket, forcefully hauling him away from Hanzo.

“You’d defend the bastard who made Genji what he is?” It stings more than 76 knows, more than Hanzo intends to let him know.

“Whether we like it or not we need him.” She sounded resigned “And I will never tolerate violence in my medbay.”

“It is all right, Doctor.” Hanzo assured, standing straight again. “I walked into that one. I suppose my assumption that some members of this Overwatch would harbor resentment towards me was correct.”

“You’re right… and you’re lucky she’s right that we need you.” 76 spat the words out and backed further away to show the Doctor he had no intention of causing further harm.

“An obvious truth.” Hanzo shrugged. “Your base was infiltrated a month ago prior to my arrival, some of your security has holes big enough in it to drive a Bastion through, and even being lazy you did not catch an intruder regardless of my lifetime of training. You are understaffed, underfunded, and under a great deal of stress.”

“We don’t want any of your damn dirty money.” 76 pointed a finger at Hanzo’s chest “Keep it to your damn self.”

“I do not have anything beyond what I brought with me.” Hanzo figured the truth was the better foot to continue with. “I renounced my title as heir. I was removed from the family holdings in all but the oldest of documents. I have no ties to the Shimada Gumi beyond name and knowing they operate out of my home. My uncle who runs the family has put enough money on my head to fund your operation for years.”

“What makes you think we won’t cash in?” 76 crossed his arms over his chest. Hanzo knows he is not serious. 76 wouldn’t. McCree maybe.

“You are the good guys, are you not?” Hanzo’s words seemed to cut at something in the soldier to make him flinch. “Genji believes you are. I would not be here if it were not for him.”

“You’re here because he asked you to be here.” 76 again crossed the space to poke that pointing finger hard into his chest. “We’re honoring the fact that he’s a good member of the team and a damn fine man. You listen to me though, hot shot, one fuck up, one hint that you’re going to hurt any member of my team or be any kind of dead weight and I will cut you loose you get me?”

“Perfectly clear.” Hanzo said and added after a thought “Sir.”

“Don’t Sir me, Shimada.” 76 snarled and turned on his heel, stalking out of the medbay.

Hanzo leaned on the bed, letting himself wince now and rub his stomach. Angela is at his side, medscanner in hand.

“You’re lucky he didn’t bruise your internal organs.” she admonished. “76 rarely pulls a punch.”

“I learned that earlier.” Hanzo huffed. Pain was temporary move beyond it he told himself.

“Making friends I see.” Hanzo glanced up to see Genji re-enter, arms laden with his clothing and gear. “You always knew how to charm old men, Hanzo.”

“I do not think he approves of me.” Angela moved away to go take notes, swatting at McCree who lurked a few paces back with the cigar again in his lips. Hanzo took his clothing back from his brother. _Not that it was the first father figure was disappointed in him._

“Some of the veterans are holding grudges against you for my murder.” Genji said simply “As I said I forgive you but others are a bit harder to convince.”

“Then they are blind.” Hanzo didn’t mind undressing in view of others. Let them see. McCree though, out of the corner of his eye, went pink and turned on his heel to follow Angela and strike up conversation. “You are not the man I killed.”

Genji tilted his head to the side and again Hanzo tried to imagine his face, his expression. The cyborg sighed “No and you are not the man who killed me. Certainly not the man Father tried to mold you to be.”

A disappointment. He could hear it in his brother’s voice, pretended he didn’t suggest for a second he imagined it. It was meant to be an insult for an insult perceived. He wished he could tell Genji exactly what he thought but McCree and the Doctor were here and it felt more wise to keep it private. Another time when he could get Genji alone and not choke on his own words.

Hanzo dressed, tucking the hem of his hakama pants into the knees of his prosthesis. He left the full sleeves of his yukata on to try and banish the chill he could not shake. That and McCree was staring and he felt the need to keep covered.

“Aw now why did you go and cover up all that pretty ink?” McCree lamented, pouting around the unlit cigar in his lips.

“It is more polite than me shaking you to unstick your gaze.” Hanzo said with a scowl. McCree tilted his hat back, looking upset for a moment before grinning. Genji shook his head and stood between them.

“Jesse McCree, My older brother the charmer Hanzo Shimada.” Genji said gesturing to Hanzo who glared at him. “Brother, the generally good fellow if possessing questionable taste in music Jesse McCree.” he paused, as if for effect. “Your Roommate.”

“Roommate?”

“Roommate?!”

Yes, definitely a pause for affect.


	4. The Kindness of Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo gets to meet more of the Overwatch crew, take more notes on relationships, and get a feel for his surroundings. After being alone for nearly a decade his reactions to crowds and being alone aren't exactly what he expects nor what he desires.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mention of possible child abuse (its short and you gotta squint), introspective Hanzo. Lots of little things hidden in the sides of this chapter if you look hard enough. McGenji if you squint.
> 
> Shout out to Robert Frost's [Mending Wall poem](http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/44266) for inspiring parts of this fic. Also thanks to everyone who's been reading and commenting, sharing and enjoying this fic. It is really appreciated.
> 
> This is the last of the 'getting to know you' things for Hanzo and the whole team. The next chapters focus more on Hanzo and McCree. They also involve a bit more action. Because that planning is going to take some time this chapter is a very long one.
> 
> C&C appreciated and welcome. Let me know if you find any mistakes I can fix.

 

Hanzo strode behind his brother Genji as they walked through the corridors of the Watchpoint towards his new quarters. His brother had correctly assumed he’d want to settle in before being exposed to the rest of the population. It was fine by Hanzo who’d just about hit his limit on people. Behind was a relative term as his brother walked backwards, facing him and McCree who walked actually behind Hanzo, his spurs making disjointed jangles with every heavy step.

“You must know the place well to do that.” Hanzo muttered as he glared at his sibling, earning a bubbling familiar yet alien laugh.

“I could still walk the castle backwards.” Genji reminded him. “Even with you shooting at me.”

“Castle?” McCree inquired, tipping his hat back.

“Hanzo and I grew up in Shimada Castle. I know every inch of it and can walk it backwards even from memory.” Genji explained. “I spent enough time here to map the place out.”

“Sure you ain’t got no heads up display showing you the way, Gen?” McCree asked. Hanzo frowned a little at the familiarity and shortened name. _He’s been here longer and worked with Genji before, he can be familiar._ He reminded himself.

“That helps too.” Genji said with another laugh. “You had dealings with our family once Jesse if I remember right. Otosan brought Hanzo out to Arizona to meet with your boss. I had to stay because I was in too much trouble.”

Hanzo remembered that trip vaguely. It was hot, his father had insisted he wear traditional clothing while he was in a business suit. The leader of the Deadlocks at the time had commented on what a pretty little thing he was, touching his face and his hair. He’d kept still, face impassive, while inside fumed his father had allowed that contact at all. While excluded from most of the main negotiations he was at every social meeting the Shimada Gumi and Deadlock Gang had before the deals were made. He vaguely remembered being always stared at by some of the Deadlock’s men, though none more than the leader himself who he was often seated next to. Actually every social event he was always near the man, at his Father’s insistence no less. _Something to ponder later._

“Ain’t met Hanzo before. Your old man did brought a right pretty girl with him even if she was colder than a clear high desert night. Only saw her once when we had a bit ol meet n greet with the Gang.” McCree reminisced. Hanzo thought he saw a wistful expression in the reflection of a window they passed.

“I think you’ll be fine as Roommates. He thinks your pretty, Brother!” Genji nearly missed a step in his amusement.

“Shut up.” Hanzo snapped, far too cold, sore, and tired to deal with his brother’s shenanigans or implications.

“I told you the Americans would think you were a girl with all that hair.” Hanzo could imagine his brother’s grin. Genji always did love to tease him.

“Wait what?” McCree suddenly blurted as he stopped walking, Genji stopping as well forcing Hanzo to halt too.

“It's traditional for the Heir of our family to keep their hair long. Hanzo’s was straight as needles and nearly to his belt. I remember it being darker too.” Genji reached out to poke at the graying strands near Hanzo’s face.

“Time happens.” was all Hanzo felt he had to say as he batted Genji’s hand away.

“That was **you**?!” Jesse reached out to spin Hanzo around to get a better look. The instinct took him long before he could even think to stop it, grabbing McCree’s arm and flipping him right up and over his head onto the Cowboy’s back. He glared down at the man on the floor who looked both winded and bewildered.

“Do not touch me.” Hanzo loomed over McCree, bent half over to glare at the man over the brim of his hat. McCree had, for once once,  no words. Hanzo snorted and moved past the downed Cowboy, not even offering any help up nor apology.

Genji showed some pity and offered McCree a hand up, Hanzo ignoring the long grunt of pain as he got up.  “I apologize, my brother’s personal space is akin to a minefield.”

“Could have warned me.” McCree groused, rolling and popping a shoulder.

“I should have.” Genji agreed then added “But it was also fun to watch.”

“Hell, he throws harder than a Bronco.” McCree muttered, getting himself back to sorts before following Genji again.

Genji laughed at that, the kind of laugh that always meant trouble to Hanzo. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He had expected awkwardness, a hesitancy between himself and Genji. Maybe Genji was just glad he’d picked a side, his side, to fight on.

Thankfully they were at the end of their journey, rounding the corner to the domicile area. Half of the area was full of debris that was slowly being cleared away, the other looked intact. Nameplates were on each door, indicating their occupants. That at least explained the need to share quarters. “What happened here?” Hanzo asked as he touched one of the damaged doorframes.

“Talon.” Genji said, hissing the word. “When they attacked to take data they also blew up the Dormitories. So far we’ve only restored a few but they are not livable yet. The only ones with a room to themselves are Reinhardt and McCree.”

“I cannot stay with this Reinhardt?” Hanzo asked, noticing a stung look from the cowboy.

“Believe me this is the better of the two options.” Genji assured. “McCree and I roomed together in our earlier days of Overwatch. Well he was Blackwatch then.”

“So long as you don’t watch any of those Animes too late into the night we should be fine.” McCree and Genji shared some kind of look, a small laugh and shoulder punch. Hanzo just arched a brow. “I’ll respect your space and your stuff tho. I know how important it is.”

“I… thank you for being considerate.” He managed to force out without sounding too improper. “I promise to not be in your way.”

“Ain’t worried or nothin, Darlin’. Just don’t go throwin me around. It’s a small space.” McCree said as he keyed in his passcode to the door. “You’ll have to borrow my code till we get you in the system proper or just have to spend all kinds of quality time together.” Hanzo didn’t like the sound of it. Not now. He craved some kind of solitude to collect himself. This was the most social interaction he’d had in months and it already taxed him much to his own infuriation.

 

The door opened, revealing a small room half filled with detritus: abandoned clothing, boxes of junk, equipment and parts, the air smelling of old leather and smoke. One of the beds was unmade and much unkempt, fitted into the wall like a birth on a ship, a desk with a chair nearby similarly covered with tools and junk. The other side looked to be freshly cleaned. Hovering in the middle of the room, putting the final touches on a floral curtain above the empty bunk was the Omnic Monk.

To his surprise Genji bowed to the Omnic, who likewise raised a hand and bowed back before giving a very mechanical wave to himself and McCree. “Greetings. I hope I am not intruding. I thought to make a space comfortable for my student’s sibling.”

“Ain’t no worries Zenny.” McCree said shaking his head and moving past Hanzo to go sit at the cluttered desk. He sat in such a way that allowed him to kick his boots up on the surface, spurs clear of the edge to spin a little at the movement.

“Your student?” Hanzo inquired, again arching a brow and casting a dubious glance.

“Yes. My apologies I am Tekhartha Zenyatta.” The monk said bowing and receiving a bow in return though not as deep nor respectful as Genji’s. “After Overwatch went into ruins Genji traveled the world and met me along the path. He harbored much anger and disharmony in his spirit. Through our journeys we’ve found a more harmonious path which lead him to find you.”

“I… thank you for looking after him.” Hanzo said, another slight bow. Shame burned hot in his veins admitting he couldn’t take care of Genji and he knew precisely why.

“It was he who looked after me.” Zenyatta said and Hanzo could hear the fond smile in his robotic voice.

“Hardly, Master.” Genji offered a similarly fond rebuttal. “You helped me ease my anger, use the energy for good and acceptance. Not to mention Forgiveness.” How curious, Hanzo thought, they’d be so familiar in tone, something else to ponder. Add to that too how it seemed Genji was insistent on saying those words. Did he intend for him to speak with the monk too?

“It has been a long journey and vigil. You must wish for some quiet.” Zenyatta moved aside so Hanzo could inspect his new home. “It is not much. If you require anything please make up a list and submit it to Athena through the terminal at the desk here. We will do our best to see you properly equipped.”

“Thank you.” Hanzo said absently, looking things over. The bed was big enough to be comfortable in, a spot above it for the Storm Bow to rest, a peg to hang the quiver from. Drawers beneath the bed would be adequate for his meager belongings. A small shelf within the bunk had books already lined up including a collection of poetry. He ran his finger along the spine of Robert Frost.

The other thing that caught his eye was the curtain installed to allow him privacy within his bed. Large print flowers - Peonys he recognized - flowed together over a soft white background. Pink white blossoms were interspersed with rich red lush blooms and thick, dark greenery. Hanzo felt color burn to his ears and cheeks. He spun to demand an answer from Genji but somewhere in his glowering the two had left, leaving him alone with McCree.

“What’s got a bee in your bonnet now?” McCree had not missed his prolonged staring and Hanzo wondered how long he HAD been staring.

“The curtain.” He pointed to it as if the flowers insulted him, and they did.

“Right pretty flowers I say. Think it suits you.” McCree grinned around his cigar, tipping his hat back, amused as hell as Hanzo fumed. “What’s wrong with it?”

Hanzo opened his mouth as if to explain, a snarl on his face before he shut it. He’d already upset the Soldier and the doctor Angela today. He’d already put Genji in some discomfort he was sure. No need to burn this bridge especially when the man slept not eight feet away. “You would not understand.” he let out a deep resigned huff and turned to put his things away.

“All I see is a bit o kindness.” McCree pointed out and Hanzo agreed he had a valid one. “Just tryin to mend fences with you, pardner. Zenny knows how much you bein here means to Gen, hell I do too.”

“You know my brother well?” Hanzo hated how hesitant he sounded. Where was his pride? “I thought you wished to hit me as 76 had?”

“Really well, or used to anyway. He was angry like you are but I’m hopin that’s just the sleepin in sand, bein on your own, bristlin like a coyote with it’s foot in the door grousin at me, rather than normal every day you.” McCree shrugged “Figure we live together we shouldn’t go throwin punches.”

“I am not friendly like my brother.” Hanzo said shaking his head with a rueful smile.

“Saw that a mile away but ain’t no reason we can’t be familiar, even friendly like.” the invitation was there, an open palm, much like the one Genji had left back in Hanamura.

“That remains to be seen.” He hated to admit it but the cowboy was right. One could not make allies with daggers at everyone’s throats. He was already at a disadvantage on the friendly faces department here and no backup elsewhere. “I will try though.” he added hoping it did not sound like an empty promise.

“Seems fair to me.” McCree stood up, stretching and cracking his back. “Lunch is in 30. Wanna come with?”

The thought of being around MORE people upset him; hit at something in his chest which made it tighten and his blood run cold. He was immediately angry with himself for such a reaction. McCree seemed to notice and offered “Or I can bring some grub back if you wanted to catch a few winks.” He wondered when he became so easy to read or maybe the cowboy was just observant.

“It would be appreciated.” Hanzo remembered his propriety and bowed to McCree. “Thank you.”

“No sweat. You look nervous as a long tail cat in a room full a rockin chairs at the mention of more people. Just catch some shut eye. Door will let you out if you wanna wonder but you’ll need a code to get back in. I’ll leave the DND on the door.”

Before Hanzo could say anything more McCree was out of the room, the hexagonal doors closing quietly behind him. Hanzo let out a sigh of relief at being alone again. He hadn’t realized how tense he was until he was sure he was alone, feeling his shoulders sink and muscles shake a little. He was better than this. He was stronger and more composed. He set his jaw tight and winced when the bruise blossoming on his face was pulled taught.

As he rubbed at the injury his gaze fell again on the curtain. Red was for wealth and prosperity as well as Honor and Respect. The red flowers dominated the cloth as the focal point. Behind them were smaller pink and pink/white blooms. Pink for romance, white for bashfulness and asking forgiveness for a wrong done as well as meaning shame. He knew not what the pink was for, too rich a color to mean the same as the washed out nearly white blossoms; however, the message was clear. Honoring him, his intent, hoping for prosperity, and showing respect. Asking forgiveness for wrongs done, be it to him or his own trespasses. It spoke as much to him in meaning from Genji and his Master as it spoke for himself to others. A well planned pattern.

Hanzo pulled the curtain back and sat on the bed, pulling out his notes and adding all the new information he’d gathered since the morning. Sleep tugged at him the longer he sat on the soft surface but he had to at least get his thoughts sorted. His encounter with the Soldier, impressions of the doctor, his interactions with his brother, memories stirred by their conversation, the monk Zenyatta...McCree...

 

In one moment he was drawing replicas of the red peonies on the curtain the next he jolted awake when he hit his head on the back wall. Berating himself with a growl he sat up, rubbing his head. He must have fallen asleep, weary as he was. It was still no excuse. The small window above the desks was dark, a single lamp on McCree’s side illuminating the room. Hanzo tucked his writing into the pillowcase before rising, shutting the curtain. A bright yellow note was left on his desk and he strode to pick it up.

[Went to play cards with some of the crew. Plate of lunch and supper should be in the fridge. - McCree] the little scrap read in messy handwriting as big as McCree’s attitude seemed to be. A small map was drawn showing him the halls to get to the dining area or mess hall. Hanzo read it then added the note to his small notebook under the pages he’d assigned for McCree. He’d have to learn the inner layout of the base at some point.

His stomach whined and gurgled at him, a reminder he hadn’t eaten more than a single meal a day in the last two weeks. He rubbed his stomach before straightening himself up a little. If he did run into someone he wanted to at least feel less like a homeless vagabond. He hoped he could at least find McCree later to get into their room. Otherwise he may as well go sleep under the tarp again. He left the room unarmed, even as his stomach clenched at the thought.

_I am among allies. I can walk around unarmed. I am still a Shimada. My body is a weapon._

As he neared the common room that McCree’s map directed him to he could hear voices. Hanzo recognized McCree’s laugh immediately as well as his slow drawl and rumble of his quieter tones. He could hear Genji as well, his gentle ribbing as another hand went to him. 76’s dark tones were more felt than heard as he folded his hand, dismissively shoving chips towards the ninja but not as harsh as his words had been to Hanzo that morning.

Peaking around the corner of the doorframe he spotted one of the members he hadn’t been able to get much notes on. Female, short, thin as a rail and fast as lightning. Her laugh was bubbling and energetic as she zipped in two quick blinks from the table, to the refrigerator, then back again with another beverage and a plate of snacks. She sat down beside Lucio who was half in the game half building the next series of songs to play in the background.

“I return my friends!” Hanzo flinched at the loud voice coming from another hallway leading to the common room. The Giant strode in and delicately pulled out a chair before sitting down beside McCree. “Deal me in so I might win some of our money back from our favorite Shimada.”

The table laughed, the dagger twisted in Hanzo’s heart, his blood running cold again. They all spoke warmly, 76 giving Genji a well meaning pat on the shoulder, the Giant reaching over McCree’s head to rub affectionately at his brother’s before the game continued.

_They wanted Genji there, he was one of them, and who was he but another intruder?_

He could get food later, he told himself as he ghosted past the door. He had a deep desire to be anywhere but there and it was stronger than his want of food.

 

His feet carried him past the medical labs, the light still on as Angela bent over a table and some research no dout. A plate of dinner sat untouched and cold at her elbow. He knocked on the doorframe before moving past, out of sight. He caught from another window Angela looking up then notice the food, taking a moment to look at the door before pulling her meal closer to actually eat it.

A few doors down he spotted bullet holes in the walls and dark marks streaking the metal. His fingers touched one of the weird soot stains and a chill ran down his spine. The Dragons hissed in the back of his mind as if disturbed by the mark. He shivered hard and pulled his fingers away. Following the trail lead him to the research labs. They were mostly lit with by the walls of monitors, various programs running and screens up. He could hear the news cast as he quietly walked up the steps to the control room. Sitting within a massive tire, one paw absently stirring a banana into a jar of peanut butter was the gorilla Winston.

The news was rather dire, more anti-omnic sentiments rising, protests, and riots. The footage wasn’t encouraging either. He could see the snarl on the ape’s face when someone disparagingly brought up Overwatch, how he frowned and adjusted his glasses before switching channels. The other stations fared no better news.

Hanzo rapped his knuckles on the doorframe so not to startle the creature. “Those are unchanging even here.” He said, noting the ape looked at him then followed his gaze to the screen. “It showed the same thing in Hanamura though no protests have broken out yet.”

Winston grunted before turning the feed off, setting his snack down. One console was covered in nothing but jar caps. “I suppose that’s a good thing to hear. You must be Hanzo, Genji’s brother.” The ape got out of his tire, ambling over to offer a hand. “Winston, chief scientist, welcome to Overwatch.”

Hanzo shook his hand, immediately noting how his own was dwarfed in the grip, but kept it firm and amiable. He could barely hold two fingers in his grasp. “If you will have me anyway.”

“Soldier 76’s greeting aside we’d welcome the aid. I’ve seen the feed from Genji’s camera of your encounter…er with the sound off of course.” Winston adjusted his glasses, looking apologetic as he turned on a few more lights. “I didn’t want to disturb your private dealings but I wanted to see you in action. Those scattering arrows are fascinating.”

“I made them myself.” Hanzo felt a little pride seep in at impressing the science ape. “Genji was always faster and better with a blade.”

“His skills are unparalleled, no doubt about it, but don’t sell yourself short.” He waved Hanzo over to the console and brought up the feed. Apparently Genji’s new body included cameras from a few angles. “You draw so effortlessly and your aim is impeccable. Genji had to push himself to avoid it all. What’s the pull on that bow?”

“The Stormbow? It’s been in my family in one form or another for generations. A little under fifty kilograms.” Hanzo answered.

“To draw and fire at that rate with a 110 pound pull is impressive. Your technique is flawless.” Winston marveled, pointing to the image of Hanzo as he drew, more arrows clutched in his hand ready to fire rapidly.

“Nearly flawless.” Hanzo corrected as he looked at his own snarling and aged face, worn by grief and guilt. “I still missed.”

“For whatever reason you did I’m glad.” Winston smiled and pat Hanzo on the shoulder before flinching “Oh sorry… I don’t know your personal space. My apologies.”

“It is all right.” Hanzo assured. “I… should learn to not get too shaken by invasions of space.”

“It is tight quarters and we’re all a fairly physical bunch. We’ll try to be considerate though.” Winston pulled a chair out from an unused console and offered it to Hanzo. “What brings you by?”

“I was simply trying to get a feel for the inside of the compound. I spent two weeks studying the outside.” Hanzo bowed a little and took the seat, glad to be off his legs which ached since the morning.

Winston pursed his lips and held up a finger, going back to his main console and typing. Hanzo noted the keys weren’t traditional ones but rather symbols… lexigrams if he remembered right. A quick glance found a tattered old infographic explaining the symbols in detail on a wall. “Ah here.” Winston’s voice brought him back to look at a screen of the security layout. “When 76 came in and told me you were out there for two and a half weeks I struggled to figure out where. I know you’re a ninja but I had thought we’d placed our sentries and drones out well enough.”

Hanzo stood and pointed to the screen. “My main hide was here, just out of your sensor range in a depression full of trees. It looks like a bramble but there are ways to access it.” He continued to explain, finding it oddly soothing to show Winston where he’d hidden, where the holes in security were. He had to show them faith too if he was to be welcomed. He should be better about invasions of his space and they deserved to know how he invaded theirs.

“I was sure I had the most optimal pattern.” Winston actually pouted before sitting back in his tire, picking up his snack. “I ran countless simulations.”

“Optimal statistically.” Hanzo pointed out “but very predictable. It took two days to know when each drone would be by and how to stay out of their range, what their field of vision was. If the system was truly optimal it would have taken a week and even then shifted to avoid expectations.”

“You’re very adept at avoiding them.” Winston adjusted his glasses, seeming to get a measure of the man beside him.

“I’ve been avoiding sentries and people for nearly a decade. When one wishes to be alone one finds a way.” He caught himself as he said it, divulging too much. He went quiet, not looking at Winston. Foolish he shouldn’t have admitted such a thing out loud. To be unseen, to be unnoticed by why had he said alone?

A nudge at his elbow brought his attention back to Winston who held out his jar of peanut butter without the banana in it. “Want some?” Hanzo briefly thought to turn it down but his gut roared to life. It brought a huffing little chuckle to Winston. “I take that as a yes?”

Rolling his eyes Hanzo dug into a belt pouch to produce a lacquered soup spoon. He dragged it into the snack and took a polite amount, filling the deep well before taking a bite.

“I can’t remember the last time I had peanut butter.” he confessed through a sticky mouth. Maybe when Genji was very little and they ate pb&j sandwiches. He didn’t realize he frowned in thought with the spoon in his mouth until Winston laughed again.

“Well there is more if you want it.” Winston smiled at him “so how would you arrange our security array differently?”

The conversation moved away from personal matters as they spoke about drone patterns, sensory sweep ranges, and security protocols. As soon as Winston told him he could use the screen like a touch screen Hanzo began to draw with one hand while eating his snack with the other. They spoke for what felt like hours about vantage points and vulnerable areas. The importance of patterns, geometry, and introducing randomness. Eventually Winston abandoned his first jar of peanut butter to Hanzo as he pulled out his own fresh one, letting the ninja polish it off as their conversation grew longer. They moved from security to reconstruction, placement of the scrap and debris piles to help aid in concealing things without looking like the base was occupied, the importance of recycling materials as much as possible.

They easily could have gone into the short hours of the morning had a robotic voice, gentle yet admonishing, not piped up “Winston, it’s three in the morning. You should be bedded down soon.”

“Really? Oh thanks Athena.” Winston yawned hugely, reminding Hanzo he was infact a very smart and very large animal as well as a scientist. “Oh that’s Athena, our base’s AI. Oh we should get you into the system.”

Hanzo raised a hand, hiding a yawn behind the other before Winston could bring up whatever program he intended to. “It can wait for morning. I did not mean to keep us both up this late hour.”

“It was most informative and delightful. You must be exhausted though.” Winston got up to show Hanzo to the door. “We can get you registered properly in the morning, get your security codes and communicator. Go get some rest. We can discuss the recycling sorting in detail then too.”

“That would be agreeable.” Hanzo turned at the doorway and bowed. “Thank you for your time, Winston. Rest well.”

“You as well, Hanzo.” Winston paused, letting Hanzo get a few steps down the hall before calling. “Hanzo… being isolated makes coming back to people hard. I’m glad you decided to give coming back a try.”

Oddly Hanzo felt himself glad for it as well and warmed by the sentiment. With a nod and another smaller bow Hanzo departed the science area. Passing the med lab the lights were out, the plate empty on the desk. Ghosting into the med lab he grabbed the plate and cold mug of coffee. He could at least take the dishes to the commissary for the good doctor. The commons room was empty, bottles and cans scattered across the table, cards and chips abandoned. Maybe he could tidy up a little bit.

By the time he’d cleaned off the game table, putting everything neatly together and making a note of everyone’s winnings, sleep tugged insistently at his mind. At least the area was clean and ready for morning. He had no idea when the first risers would enter the space for breakfast but he did turn on the coffee pot to brew on its timer. As he walked back to his new room the first fraggle glow of dawn peaked at the horizon. It was only then that McCree hadn’t given him the door code.

“Athena?” He called out, half expecting to sound like a madman. When no voice responded, like it had for Winston, he figured without a communicator he couldn’t contact the AI. As much as he wanted rest he didn’t want to bang on the door and disturb McCree.

There had been a couch nestled into a back corner of the commons room. He could sleep there for a few hours until McCree woke up. The idea of sleeping in such a potentially exposed space rankled him but he was also too tired to really care. By the time he collapsed onto it and realized it was just a little too short he couldn’t be bothered to come up with another plan. He didn’t care about taking off his prosthetics either, the mental process seeming beyond him as sleep dragged his head down to the cushions. He at least pulled his clothing fully on, wrapped up tight in it to keep warm, before passing out.

 

His dreams were quiet for once, body too weary to come up with a way to torture his sleeping mind with anything for once.

“... shhhhhhhh...don’t you dare wake him.”

“He has a room…”

“An Jesse probably forgot to give him the pass code.”

Hanzo could hear voices but sleep refused to let him do more than lay there and listen. He felt weight spread over him and warmth infuse into his body which only dragged him back into deeper sleep.

“There. So he stops shivering.”

“Daww... see you care.”

 

Nothing registered to Hanzo for another peaceful while, too deep in sleep to notice his surroundings or care. The smell of coffee became strong, mixed with the scent of frying bacon eventually. He could faintly hear hushed conversations, the sound of mugs clanking as people shuffled about filling them. Hanzo pried his eyes open, reaching up to scrub the sleep out of them. The light in the kitchen was bright but it didn’t burn his eyes, his couch put in such a spot it was still darkened. Maybe someone napped here often? Besides the shortness of the couch it was comfortable.

76 was at the coffee maker pouring a mug. At the stove was the fast woman from the day before, zipping between pans of sausage, bacon, tomatoes, potatoes, and eggs. Already a pile of toast waited to be buttered near the toaster. The Giant was on the couch, a tablet in hand as he looked over the news of the morning or maybe a book. Winston ambled in, a yawn cracking his face as he waved to the others.

“Good morning everyone.” He greeted, earning a grunt from 76 who grabbed a larger mug to fill with coffee.

“Morning luv!” the ad hoc chief said, zipping over to give him a big hug around the neck then zipping back to the stove. “Should have a pan open soon for bananas foster over peanut butter toast for you in a few ticks.”

“Thank you Lena. It's much appreciated.” Winston reared and stretched his arms over his head.

“Anozer long night, my friend?” The giant asked, looking over. “Did ze siren song of Science keep you awake?”

“In a way. It was a long but productive night.” Winston took the large mug from 76 who moved to sit at the cleaned off table. “Reinhardt I have a good feeling about our new recruit. We spent hours going over security. He has such a sharp mind and great spacial awareness. I think we have a good tactician on our hands.”

“Your tactician is asleep over on the couch.” Lena pointed with a spatula.

Hanzo briefly contemplated feigning sleep but after the evening with Winston he kept his eyes open as the scientist looked over. He waved as he sat up, still wrapped in the blanket, sure he looked a mess but once again lacing in the energy to care.

“Oh my. Good morning Hanzo. Why are you out here?”

“No pass code to get back into McCree’s bunk.” Hanzo said as he tried to unstick his mouth. He still tasted peanut butter.

“Oh I’m sorry. Maybe we should have done the security setup.” Winston gave him an awkward grin.

“We were both tired once we knew the hour. The couch was fine.” Hanzo shrugged. “We would have made mistakes.”

“Too true. At least you got a little sleep.” Winston ambled over to the couch Reinhardt was on and sat down, putting his paws up on the coffee table. “We’ll get it sorted. Jesse isn’t usually up for a few more hours and we’ll get your security set up before then.”

76 snorted and got up, glancing briefly at Hanzo. “Coffee or tea?”

“Kohi, kuro.” Hanzo answered before shaking his head. He had to be tired to forget to speak English around the others, fairly sure they didn’t know much of his own language. He must have gathered wool for a while because a mug of black coffee hovered in his line of sight. “Oh… thank you I can get up.” He must have been more tired than he thought.

“You’re probably sore from being on the damn loveseat.” 76 grumped, letting Hanzo wrap his hands around the mug. He wore only the red visor, his scarred and scruffy face on display.

“About yesterday…” Hanzo knew even with 76’s vision issues he could see the brilliant bruise on his jaw. Hanzo remembered McCree’s words the day before. _Mending fences._

“Water under the bridge.” 76 shook his head before moving back to the table. “If you spent all night with Winston and Athena improving security it’s enough to prove you give a damn.”

Hanzo just grunted in return, sipping the coffee in his hands. “Cleaned in here too. It seemed a shame to leave it a mess.” That earned an appreciative grunt. Early morning man speak tended to be in grunts and that was a language Hanzo felt he was well versed in that morning.

Conversations drifted in and out of Hanzo’s perception as he focused on getting his body to stop aching through sheer force of will. He glanced at the couch and flinched at the sight of the same peony pattern as his curtain. He picked at it, realizing it was a slip cover and assumed that’s where the extra fabric came from. _It was just recycling is all...not what I thought it meant though he would know the meaning of the flowers for sure._ Hanzo sipped his coffee and glared at the armrest as he thought about the stupid flowers and their meanings.

“Hanzo, joining us deary?” Lena asked, arms laden with plates of a nearly proper english breakfast.

Standing up with only mild complaints from his legs Hanzo nodded. He folded the blanket as he answered. “One cannot live on peanut butter and coffee alone.” _Nor solitude_ he added silently. _Put forward the effort and it could be rewarded_.

“I would like to raise an objection to that sentiment.” Winston said, holding up one of the digits on his hind paws as he held his mug of coffee and plate of breakfast - bananas foster over peanut butter toast.

“I’d say listen to the man, luv.” Lena admonished, setting plates down, zipping to the fridge for orange juice, pouring them out in another flash and setting the table in the next.

“It is all we had for dinner last night.” Winston shrugged, not ashamed of his choice for dinner. He set his coffee in his other unoccupied paw so he could start eating.

“You shared your PB with Hanzo?” Lena lit up for a moment, zipping over to hug Winston then in a flash to hug Hanzo. He stiffened up at the touch, brief as it was, not ready that early in the morning for such contact. “I knew you’d be great!”

“Thank you?” Hanzo felt a little out of his depth, not sure how to handle Lena’s energy. He ambled over to the table, paused as Reinhardt pulled out a chair for him and nodded his thanks before sinking into it. The giant sat beside him, ready to tuck into his breakfast as he and Lena spoke. Hanzo’s focus was mostly on the coffee and the food and the odd warm sensation filling his chest, replacing the cold anxiety from the day before.

He could do this. He would do this. It was the right thing to do and for once he wouldn’t be alone.


	5. My Brother's Keeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks have passed and Hanzo is trying to settle in. While things so far seem to be going ok the Honeymoon is nearly over. Nearly a decade has changed the once proud and arrogant Heir of the Shimada Gumi into someone he barely knows. At war with himself, Hanzo can only hold on. Between New people, his brother, and one Jesse McCree, Hanzo is still in for a hell of a ride.
> 
> [ This chapter includes Not Safe For Work themes like descriptions of men preforming sex acts.  
> This chapter also includes direct references to past physical abuse, parental abuse and homophobia.  
> If these themes disturb you please continue on to the next chapter or thank you for reading.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who's been reading, commenting, keeping up, sharing, and enjoying! For all those here for the McHanzo I hope you appreciate the show *wink*. I admit I don't know D.Va terribly well but she is from the internet so I can hazard a guess. Get ready for some serious bro time. Apologies if the perspective shifts this chapter was difficult. I personally have a different perspective of Hanzo so if he seems OOC to you we just view him differently but I try to be accurate. Mention of McGenji as well.
> 
>  
> 
> **As mentioned in the summary this chapter has adult, NSFW, themes and references to abuse. Please read at your own digression or feel free to skip the chapter and move onto the next.**
> 
>  
> 
> Additional notes and references at the bottom of the chapter. C&C always welcome.

 

 

Two weeks at the watchpoint and Hanzo was half enjoying himself and half ready to run for the hills. Hanzo made it a point to share a meal at least once a day with everyone though he had yet to spend too much time at the larger social gatherings. He spent time down in Winston’s lab going over security, helping him plan which other watchpoints to get out of mothballs. They two often sat and watched news feeds, Winston having the inspiration to do good but tempered by Hanzo’s tactics. 76 seemed to warm to the idea too. He was more of a front line commander, able to rally the others and keep them focused. They didn’t always see eye to eye but Hanzo respected him and was grateful to receive some respect in his suggestions as well.

He managed to find time on his own, to practice, to work out, to write or simply watch the sea. He’d been avoiding Zenyatta who had approached on several occasions seeing if he wished to join in morning meditations. He was still all nerves when alone with Genji and the awkward was almost palpable. He spent most of his days alone despite everyone’s invitations to be social. He found it draining and it was getting worse. At least his solo time let him take notes on everyone as the days passed, learning their habits and patterns _and how to avoid them._

Currently he was writing about his roommate on ‘his’ peony couch that he’d basically laid claim to. McCree had oddly disappeared after a short morning shootout at one of the ranges. It had been a spirited contest in the hot morning sun and he’d stripped down to just pants as he pulled the Stormbow back and did a few trick shots. McCree also showed off and earned praise for his talents. When Lena arrived he blushed and disappeared. Maybe he had a thing for the Brit? He flipped from the last page of notes to his glossary. Hanzo had a list of ‘cowboy-isms’ going because Jesse McCree was full of weird convoluted wisdom and he needed a glossary. He also had a tally mark for how many times he called him ‘Darlin’. It was getting excessive, he thought as he counted today’s marks alone.

 

Sadly it wasn’t his only annoyance.

 

“Writing in your diary again?” The newest recruit, a young woman named Hana Song, leaned over his shoulder and teased. He closed the book and tucked it away.

“It is no business of yours.” He chided. In the two weeks more people arrived. The climatologist Mei was attractive and kind, warm hearted and terribly intelligent. They played chess and Go occasionally, spoke about tea and Robert Frost who they both liked. The engineer from SWEDEN (Not Switzerland and he'd yell at you FOREVER about the mistake), whose name he butchered every time he tried it, was eclectic but not bad. He’d recycled Winston’s empty peanut butter jars and turned them into planters for a rooftop garden.

Then there was Hana Song… the D.Va.

“You’re writing in the common room so it **can** be my business.” She put her hands on her hips as he stood, not looking at her at all while she preened.

“Public space does not always equate public business.” Hanzo reminded her. “Go play your drama games with someone else.”

“Drama? Please you’re from a period drama in that getup.” She teased back. “Though the bara tiddy is a bit much for a man your age, ne?”

“It’s traditional.” He started then sighed. _Don't let the little beast taunt you_. “You are little more than a discount Asuka.” He dismissively waved at her, going to the fridge to get a drink. “Leave me be.”

“Oh you know AN anime…good for you.” she clapped slowly. “Going to tell me now how you watched the original verses the reboot, weebo?”

“Now I know why they say do not feed the trolls. Or was that gremlins after midnight?” Hanzo let out a sigh and grabbed a bottle of water. “Regardless, go back to your bridge or whatever cheeto bag you crawled out of.”

“Hana! There you are.” Lucio skated in, pulling off a little twist to slow himself down. “We got the game room setup! Genji found some old systems and we got net connection.”

“Score points for the XBox!” Hana bounced on her toes. “I wonder if we plug into him if we could play a game.” Hanzo flinched at her nickname for Genji. He felt he had no right to be protective of his sibling but the instinct was old and hard to shake. _And you hate the casual way she speaks about him, damn little gremlin._

“Not sure if Gen is exactly plug and play.” Lucio said. Both of them laughed as if something actually funny was said, the blush on Hana’s cheeks made him think it was some kind of innuendo.

“Oh he might. I’m sure we have hardware cross compatibility.” She wiggled her brows and Lucio laughed with her.

“Speak respectfully of your betters.” Hanzo found himself gritting out, the water bottle crinkling in his grip.

“Ooo  Hana feigned shaking in her boots. “Big bad brother going to puff up over his adorable baby xbox?”

“He is your elder, he is a better combatant than you, and a senior member of Overwatch.” Hanzo stalked closer to look down at the girl. “Remember your place.”

“Hey hey we’re all equal here, Kimosabe.” Lucio intervened “Man you have like no chill.”

“He’s just an upset old Tsuntsun who probably needs a nap.” Hana tugged Lucio “Come on let's go hang out with the cool kids and he can sit in the dark room writing in his diary.”

Lucio went with her, hearing the bottle crunch then a splash. Hanzo flicked his wrist to get the water off of it, annoyed that he crushed the bottle with the cap still on. With a resigned sigh Hanzo mopped up the mess he made and retreated to quieter corners of the base. They were getting few and far between now with so many people. It was also harder to find a chance to be alone unless he left the base which 76 forbid him from doing.

Considering how the last training session went Hanzo didn’t blame him.

 

_Training was becoming more of a focus as 76 worked on team compositions, figuring out who best worked with who, while running everyone through various scenarios. He enjoyed the simulations more than most things he did on base. It kept his skills sharp and was as close as meditation as he could get. Of course it was also occasionally infuriating and where his ‘legendary’ temper flared the most._

_“You’re too damned used to solo ops, Shimada.” 76 snarled in his face after one particularly bad match. “You were nowhere near the payload!”_

_“I am better forward along the path to clear it and warn you of what comes.” Hanzo growled right back, the two inches apart as they argued charged like a storm cloud. Well Hanzo still had to look up since the soldier was taller._

_“You went forward to hot dog and take out people while leaving your allies open! You left our Medic without cover fire and Reinhardt exposed on his flank!”_

_“I am not a Hot Dog! You were to be on the payload covering the right flank as discussed. I don’t even know where Tracer went. I am recon and sniper or do you think I wield Cupid’s arrows!?”_

_“Hasn't worked with McCree yet.” Hanzo caught Lucio jibe as he ribbed the Cowboy._

_“Hush.” It was true McCree had been on the enemy team and the most often hit lethally with Hanzo’s arrows. They were for practice but Athena counted at least 28 confirmed dead cowboys. He had a reason to sound embarrassed to Hanzo’s ears._

_Hanzo’s attention snapped to the audio medic “There is your Hot Dog. Wall climbing just to see if he could while members of the team were in need of aid, skating into enemy fire with no heed to where you were going even when warned.”_

_“I was keeping up with our offense!” Lucio shot back “Yo don’t pin my mad beats for the fail when you weren’t ever there.”_

_“You are here to support. You should be moving with the group, along the payload.” He then pointed to McCree “And as far as I am concerned you were more focused with trying to get revenge for being shot down so often that you risked your own team several times.”_

_“We still won.” McCree cocked a hip, looping a thumb with behind his BAMF belt. “Not my fault your team fell apart.”_

_Hanzo narrowed his eyes then crossed the space to stare Jesse down, ignoring 76 growling at him. “No… you are the reason.” Hanzo poked him in the chest. “You dogged the offense and healer, poking at them to lose patience. Coaxing them out so your offense and defensive positions could take advantage of them.” McCree tilted his hat back and smirked around his cigar._

_“Well look you figurin’ me out.” He drawled and rather than sooth the angry dragon it only rubbed the scales the wrong way. “Pretty maneuvers and a pretty mind. Maybe your cupid’s arrows do work, Darlin’.”_

_Hanzo ignored the flirting. “If you were to do that in a real scenario you’d be dead. Your medic wouldn’t be able to reach you, you’d have no cover. 28 deaths McCree.”_

_“Yo we got the respawn tho.” Lucio tried to pry them apart “Let's just be cool.”_

_“If you go into battle with the assurance you will not die you have already written your epitaph.” Hanzo snapped. “Death is the only certainty in this life and if you are not ready to face it, act in ways to avoid it, you will fall. Equipment, people, and miracles fail. Death never does.” The Medic’s face twisted and for a brief moment he almost looked as if he’d either be angry as hell or tear up. Hanzo cared not which._

_“I think it’s about time we all took a breather.” Winston said trying to help defuse the situation. It was easy to when you were the 500lb gorilla on the team. “We can go over the data later in the afternoon. We’ll resume training tomorrow at 0900.”_

_It seemed a good enough queue for everyone to disburse, Lucio the first to skate off with his music blaring. Genji paused at his brother’s back, a hand stretched out to put on his shoulder but Hanzo moved away, striding towards the cliffs._

_“Get back here Shimada.” 76 barked “I ain’t done with you.”_

_“I am quite finished with you.” Hanzo didn’t look at 76 as he slung his bow across his back as he stalked away._

 

In retrospect he was being childish to walk away but for Genji’s sake he tried not to be too mean nor violent towards his comrades. If he couldn’t keep his temper down he could at least walk away to remove the threat. Despite his desires and his rage he couldn’t hit his teammates, he'd made that mistake once and did not intend to do it again.

 _No._ He corrected himself _You hit Lucio and no one’s been ok about it since, even him_.

It had been a smack to the head, not a gentle one, something to admonish the youth for his foolishness. No one had been ok with it. _Apparently I’m the only one allowed to be beaten._

_Not an unfamiliar situation._

_You’re acting like your Father._

That thought chilled him to the bone and made his stomach churn.

Maybe some time in his room would help. No one, beyond his roommate, bothered him there. If the children had set up the entertainment space maybe he was there too. _McCree can be such a child. So ‘chill’ to the point of not caring, sloppy, full of irreverent quotes, smoking like a chimney, invading his personal space everywhere but their room._

 

So caught up in his thoughts about the ‘damn cowboy’ Hanzo did not bother to knock on the door, simply punched in his code to enter. The door swung open and he stepped in only to stop entirely at the sound of McCree’s voice.

 _Correction_ his brain quickly supplied as Hanzo’s eyes grew wide at the spectacle before him. _McCree’s moan._

McCree was sprawled on his bunk, pants shoved down below his knees, shirt pushed up his chest to catch beneath his armpits and thick thighs thrown as wide as they could go. His lower lip was between his teeth, his breath so heavy and deep it it was nearly growled with each exhale. The hot air smelled and he couldn’t identify it, should be disgusted, but it made his blood hot and his skin prick as if cold. McCree’s metal hand ran across his hairy chest, down his stomach across less defined abs in a mesmerizing patterns. His other hand _… other hand.._ .McCree is much larger than Hanzo expected. His...it… _McCree’s cock you’re a grown man you can think it_ was broad, dark, and red as his serape. Below his girth his heavy sack swayed with McCree’s movements, _probably in dire need of being emptied_. His mouth watered at the sight of it and that alone frightened him. He watched those metal fingers slide down around a hip, slip between tan cheeks and nearly moaned but McCree did it for him.

“Mmm Darlin’...” McCree moaned as he squeezed himself, hand moving faster, body poised on the edge. He keened as he did something to himself, touched somewhere that had his thighs parting further, feet drawn off the floor, and voice sounding desperate. “Darlin’...”

“Yes?” He didn’t mean to speak, nor answer to that stupid name but he did and McCree stopped and they both stared at one another in shock. Hanzo licked his lips and his voice was breathless “Jesse…”

That was enough it seemed to push the gunslinger over in a glorious fashion: hips bucking, breath hitching into an actual growl Hanzo felt in his bones. His hips lifted off the bed, giving Hanzo a view of two fingers completely inside his body, see the jet of white that fell back and painted the cowboy all the way up to his chest again and again. See the dreamy look in his eyes, full of utter want and desire.

“Darlin’...”

Hanzo was out of the room as fast as his legs could carry him.

 

 _I need to be anywhere but here_ Hanzo’s panicked mind lead him through the halls, past someone who he bumped into on the way to the open air. He heard someone call his name and it spurred him to keep running. Out past the training ground where others gathered for an attempted simulation. Out beyond the perimeter fence, past a drone wandering by on a sweep. Up the side of the high near vertical sandstone cliff he’d descended weeks ago.

He didn’t stop until his knees give out in the dunes, falling sideways into the long grass well out of sensor range and sight. Hanzo laid in the grass forever it felt, gulping in air, his heart pounding in his chest and between his legs. All he could hear is that desperate deep growl over the sound of the surf and his heavy breathing, felt it’s effects sizzle down his spine. Wrapping his arms around him Hanzo clawed at his skin, trying to will himself to calm. He hadn’t felt like this in years, desire burning his veins and freezing his mind. _You are the Heir to the Shimada caln. You want for nothing._ He told himself hating how it sounded like his Father. _Weakling, overpowered by another man’s brutish self gratification. The fool left himself open to attack, didn’t lock the door, didn’t even put up the do not disturb notice. Selfish barbarian._

He wanted, suddenly and hard, and it scared him with its sudden onset. A moan left his lips as he squeezed his thighs together to try and ease the ache or banish it. The way he’d said Darlin’, knowing he meant to say his name. _It could be someone else, anyone could be Darlin’._ The mere thought made him feel worse not wanting it to **be** someone else.

 _You’re weak to be this upset. Look at you, coward running from your own space. Disgusting. You responded to such a base display so quickly. Where is your pride? How low has the Dragon fallen to be fearful of such a thing. To desire what you cannot have. You should have snapped his living wrist for thinking of you like some whore, begging like one, yet here you lie needy for a_ **_man’s_ ** _touch you’ve barely known a month. Yet here you lay, hard and wet and panting.  
_

“Hanzo… breath.” He can hear a voice through the chorus of noise in his own head and this odd wheezing sound. He can see his father behind his eyelids, bloody hands clenched until the knuckles were white. _It seems I must remind you of your place._ “Breath Anii-ja…It is all right” _red staining the pebbles of the rock garden, sweat dripping down his father’s brow_ “… you’re safe.” _I care not for what you want but you will fear to want_ **_that ever again_ ** _._

A steady hand pushed to his chest, cool against his fevered skin. “Breath… nice and slow.” It pushed against his ribs then pulled back, urging his breath to follow it. In and out, slow and steady despite the taiko drumming in his chest. Eventually he calmed enough to open his clenched eyes he did not remember closing.

 

He flinched at the sight of Genji’s face, his faceplate off on the ground and the visor that resembled his headband pushed up higher on his head. Despite his own inner demons starting to speak about Genji’s presence his brother’s gaze was warm and calm, a small smile on his thin lips. “That’s better...are you with me?” _he can’t hear them_ he reminded himself. _Good._

“Genji?” He felt Genji move him to sit up, suddenly aware he was in his sibling’s arms.

“One and only. Just take it easy. You had a panic attack.” Genji soothed, hand still firmly on his chest. His fingers were warm from having been there so long. “I haven’t seen one that bad in years.”

“We… have not seen one another in years.” Hanzo tried to sort himself, sit on his own but Genji refused to end the contact. It at least earned a little laugh.

“That is true.” his smile died a little as Hanzo pulled further away, hunkering within his clothing. He covered up and held the collar of his robe tight. “Hanzo what sent you out here?”

“Do the others know?” He winced at the waver in his voice but Genji didn’t comment.

“They figured you went for a run or got upset at Hana or McCree again.” Genji shook his head, keeping his own voice soft and calm. “I told them I’d go find you.”

“I am found. You may return.” He just had to be alone a moment to sort this out, to push it all back and out of the way. _Focus on why you’re here, why are you here?_

“I am not leaving you still in the grips of whatever holds you.” Genji shook his head and sat back. “We go back together or we spend the night out here if we have to.”

“Stubborn.” Hanzo snorted and turned away to face the sea.

“I learned from you.” Genji said smiling but it soured when Hanzo didn’t laugh as well, or even smile. He just hunkered in his clothing as he tried to look small. “Hanzo…”

“I… walked in on McCree.” Hanzo said as his cheeks flamed. The image, the smell, the heat of it, came back far too fast and vividly in his mind. That need in McCree’s gaze when they looked at one another before he fled.

“Guessing by the blush you walked in on him having personal time.” Hanzo flinched and waited for Genji to laugh again but he didn’t.

“The fool should have locked the door or something.” Hanzo grumped. His nails dug into his skin again to try and give himself something to focus on rather than the clenching in his chest.

“There is no shame in it, or what you are feeling.” Genji tried to sooth. “There isn’t anything wrong with you.”

“What would you know?” Hanzo snapped at him, teeth bared. Genji didn’t flinch, keeping calm and hands in the air. _He acts like an animal might bite him._

_You are an animal._

“I am still human.” Genji said after a long quiet, the two just staring at one another.

“What of you is… still human?” He hadn’t meant for it to sting but it did, Genji’s face going sober, his own frowning.

Genji retrieved his face plate, running a thumb along the edge. “There is little left.”

Hanzo looked away, guilt clutching his chest tight. It was his fault. It was his doing that made Genji was what he was now, made him scarred, barely human. The guilt nearly took his breath away again.

“My apologies…” Genji said softly, forlornly, making Hanzo snap his attention back to him. _He doesn’t think you feel guilt he thinks you’re disgusted._ Hanzo’s hand flew to catch Genji’s wrist before he could hide again behind the mask. He could see his eyes clearly, remembered them in Hanamura castle a month ago, years ago laying on the floor bleeding out, scared because of a thunderstorm when they were small.

“Are you… really him?” He spoke as if talking to a ghost, voice tight yet hopeful.

“Yes.” Genji breathed and watched Hanzo’s shoulder sag as if a weight pushed him nearly to the ground, folded over himself. He thought nothing of it, maybe relief but Hanzo went quiet again. Genji moved to his side when he heard the tell tale wheeze, a hand over his chest. His top visor dropped enough to see part of his heads up display. No cardiac arrest, drop in body temperature, elevated heart rate, shallow breathing. Another attack. “Anii-ja!”

 

Hanzo couldn’t think beyond the confirmation. Yes this was his brother, the one he killed, failed to kill, failed to protect, failed to make happy. Now barely a man trapped in a mechanical shell, nearly no better than an omnic. He must be so angry at him. Why did his emotions weigh so heavy now? _Why was this happening again?_ The world faded to gray, to the circular conversation in his head, to that hideous wheezing sound he made as he tried to process everything. _Just make the hurting stop._ He pleaded not realizing in the midst of everything that he had spoken the words out loud.

He felt overfull and empty at the same time, feverish and cold. Genji’s fingers ran along his shoulder and arm, trying to sooth him, speaking but not being understood. Beneath his skin he could feel the Dragons stirr, reaching out to Genji’s and it reaching back.

They hadn’t spoken like this since they were boys, without words, right from the heart. One of the odd but rare perks of bearing the Dragon’s power. It was hard to wrap his head around what he felt from Genji- relief, worry, sorrow, love - so strong in his spirit which responded with regret, grief, guilt, worthlessness, hope...feeling both sets of emotions at once was nearly overwhelming.

Genji wanted him to stay, to rebuild himself, to find purpose and peace as he had. He wasn’t there to redeem himself in his brother’s eyes. The time for anger was long past. Genji wanted nothing more than for Hanzo to let his own rage at himself go. To stop being alone because he wasn’t. Not anymore.

Hanzo didn’t know what he wanted but only for this pain to end. To be strong again like he had been. To not turn into their Father. 10 years of this pain was far too long to endure but he would if Genji wished it.

Neither spoke as the Dragons wove between them, saying the truths of their hearts so no words could get them wrong.

They wanted to be reunited as bad as the brothers did.

It helped calm him at least, enough to let the world back in, realizing it was night now. The only light came from the heavy moon above and the faint glow of Genji’s body. The dragons retreated, leaving them alone now that Hanzo’s panic had faded.

 

“With me again?” Genji spoke quietly as he held Hanzo against him. He received a nod but Hanzo didn’t bother moving. It was fine by Genji. “Twice in a day. This doesn’t happen often does it?”

“Not enough to be a liability. Just recently.” Hanzo shook his head. “I’ve grown used to being alone, handling things alone. I fear I am not the man who killed you.” _Weak, unstable, shameful, wanton..._

“I am not the man you killed so I think we are even.” _Confident, strong, kind, at peace_

“Perhaps. I fear the rest of this man’s life will be spent making up the last one to you.” _It won’t be enough, never enough._

“I do not wish you to suffer longer. Ten years is a long enough sentence, Brother, to bear the pain you feel.”

“Feels like a lifetime.” Hanzo whispered so not to break whatever fragile thing they had between them.

“Then let life start anew. I know our shared past still weighs on you but what drove us apart doesn’t need to anymore.” Genji hugged him close. “I look forward to meeting my brother again.”

Hanzo snorted “Learning that your little gremlin friend picks on me and I run from my room at the s-s-sight of the cowboy doing…” His face flushed and he bit his tongue to shut up.

“Hanzo… I knew you liked men when I was eight.” Genji said “It wasn’t hard to tell. You practically built your own closet though.”

“Otosan...forced me into it.” Hanzo let his gaze fix on the sea beyond the tall grass waving in the night breeze. “Remember Hiko?”

“I remember him. Short and shy and adorable.” Genji smiled a little “He used to follow us around like a puppy. He was a good friend then just suddenly disappeared.”

“My doing.” Hanzo felt a hand at his back, rubbing circles to encourage his story. “Otosan found us in the stone garden, beneath the Sakura on the center stone...we were kissing.” He could remember the young man’s short black hair in his fingers, sugar sweet kiss on his lips, the little purr as he said his name and clutched at his clothing. The feel of his fingers sliding beneath cloth to skin, the electric promise of what could come next.

“Otosan told me you fell. The rock garden was torn up and refilled with stones.” Genji went quiet for a long moment before hugging Hanzo closer. “I saw blood stains on the stones as they were hauled out…you were in the hospital for a week.” He could hear the wheels work in Genji’s head as he connected dots and quietly Hanzo was grateful. “Did he?” Even Genji couldn’t say the words out loud.

“Yes...to remind me of my place.” Hanzo let out a breath he didn’t know he held and clutched at Genji a bit tighter and was relieved to be held hard back. To confess that was a weight lifted and a void opened in his soul almost. Admitting something he denied for so long, still was denying despite wanting not to. That vulnerable admission silenced them both for a few heartbeats.

“Well fuck.” Genji huffed. “I guess I owe you a secret in return… more of a confession.” Genji rubbed the back of his head. “I… may have put you with McCree for more than just we were short on space reasons.”

“Genji.” The swordsman chuckled at the growl from Hanzo.

“He was my roommate for a while back when I first joined overwatch. I thought you two could hit it off a little. He’s been alone for years on his own, so have you. You’re both competitive, sharp shooters…ruggedly handsome with bad jokes. If you give him a chance he can be a lot of fun.”

“Did you sleep with him?” Hanzo sat up to regard his brother who laughed.

“Often! He is a good lover. After…well” he simply gestured to himself and the cybernetics “ I was angry and he became a good friend despite me being a raging asshole.”

“I thought you preferred women. I chased so many out of the castle.” Oh the many mornings of going to Genji’s room to see two or three women trying to sneak out over the balcony.

“It isn’t the body that matters to me. Personality and fun first, the rest is logistics though most of those girls were really for fun. I care about McCree.” Genji pat Hanzo “You on the other hand are gay as the day is long and a virgin one at that.”

“You expect me to sleep with him? You think me so casual?” Even as he said it Hanzo felt his ears burn. Genji just smiled more.

“No you’re a romantic and you can’t deny it.” Genji poked his chest. “He likes you and can be a real southern gentlemen.”

“Enough to…” he turned red again and hid his face in his hands with a mournful groan. “He said ‘Darlin’ and I **answered** , God…”

“Hahaha...You’re so adorable.” Genji cooed and pinched Hanzo’s cheek.

“Shut up.”

“Anii-ja, you have no faith in yourself outside of your combat skills but you really should. Enough of us like you and you’re a real value to the team. Don’t sell yourself short.”

“I sell myself short?” Hanzo asked. He figured he was keeping some things in reserve should they be needed. Never show your full hand after all and...

“Yep! By about two feet…” Genji said with a grin before wincing and looking at Hanzo’s prosthetics.

“Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto, for that analysis.” Hanzo deadpanned back, poking one of his lights. Both looked at one another before snorting and smirks turned to bubbling laughter. Genji fell backwards into the sand and grass, clutching his stomach, laughing with abandon. Hanzo fell back too, arms at his sides, letting himself laugh fully on for the first time in what felt like forever.

The sea crashed meters away, soothing as the wind through the tall grass that surrounded them and hid them from sight. The sky was clear, stars bright in the sky’s inky blackness. He felt Genji’s fingers brush his from where he lay, looking up at the sky too. An odd peace settled and he embraced it.

 

“So…” Genji said after a few moments of silence. “You have a crush on McCree.”

“Maybe.. I don’t know. I haven’t… wanted for a long time. I wouldn’t even know what to do.” Hanzo sighed deeply “I feel like a teenager and I'm too damn old for that.”

“There is always the internet.” Genji teased “All sorts of things to learn there.”

“No, that’s where Hana comes from so no good can be found there.” Hanzo made a face just thinking about the gremlin.

“True… You’ll figure it out. He’s very considerate. Oh! Let him cook for you. He likes to do that.” Genji remembered fondly.

“Is he good?” Hanzo once was a picky eater but he was less so now.

“Oh yeah... oh you mean cooking?" Genji teased, smiling as Hanzo's face went scarlet. "As far as I can remember Yes. I don’t really eat anymore but Mercy is trying to figure a way to let me again.” Genji shrugged. “His omelets were amazing.”

“A shame.” Hanzo lamented “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t miss what you called cooking.” Genji poked his ribs. “The only thing you couldn’t ruin was tea.”

“No I… I mean I’m sorry. For everything.” He hadn’t meant to make things serious again but thankfully Genji just smiled and squeezed his hand.

“Why did you run? From the family I mean?” Hanzo admitted to himself Genji had a right to ask.

“I could not bare to be there after what I had done. I wanted nothing to do with it. It was not worth it without my brother.”

They both lay in silence for a while after that, both trying to digest what it meant. The wind shifted and grew cold, making Hanzo shiver and wrap his arms around himself.

“Hanzo…” Genji bit his lip before he gathered some courage. “What happened to your le…”

 

[76 to Genji where the sam hell are you?!] they both flinched as Genji’s communicator popped to life. Hanzo hadn’t been so happy to hear 76’s voice before.

“Out in the dunes.” Genji replied, sitting up and putting his faceplate back on. The moment, it seemed, was over.

[Get back here, on the double, and bring Hanzo if you find him. We have a situation.]

“What kind of situation?” The brothers glanced at one another and stood up. They were miles from the base, its lights looking distant.

[I need you both for a mission and we need to go NOW!]

“We are on our way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiko belongs to my sister from another mister and co-author of [The Words Are Gone, So They Must Be Too](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7294450/chapters/16566175), Chacah. Hiko is a character in our Overwatch private rp that is only going to be referenced.
> 
> Thanks also to the beautiful [Kingsdarga](http://kingsdarga.tumblr.com/) for allowing me to use the lines and scene from their [melodramatic comic](http://kingsdarga.tumblr.com/post/146336587030/watch-me-practice-comics-and-be-melodramatic) featuring the Shimada brothers. Click their name to go to their blog or the other to view the comic.
> 
> This chapter is brought to you by the music of composer Yoko Kanno because that's just about all I listened to besides [Johnny Cash's Hurt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FywSzjRq0e4) and [ Fionna Apple's First Taste](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiuk0z8dzXo) while writing this. There may be a bonus side work eventually of this tale from Jesse's perspective it's kind of in the works.
> 
> Hanzo's Dad is an asshole
> 
> Bonus points if you find all the pop culture references.


	6. Ill Omens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Overwatch is about to make a move on Dorado where gangs gather a treasure of weapons and supplies to pay tribute to Talon. The team goes over plans and Hanzo is ready to take part in a mission. Too bad he's got to get past McCree and Genji reminding him of recent events first and needing to talk about it.
> 
> TL;DR: McCree makes his intentions known, Hanzo is dim and awkward, Genji is annoying, 76 is grumpy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience. This and the following chapters have been right pains in my butt. C&C is welcome as always. This is a bit of a 6am post so I may have missed some things.  
> You can stop squinting to find the McGenji and McHanzo now. 
> 
> Italics = Thoughts  
> /Dialogue/ = not english

 

 

The run back to the base had been hard and fast. Hanzo hated to admit it but he was jealous of his brother’s speed and grace. Still he managed to keep enough to not be too winded as they got back to the base proper. They passed one of the hangers with a transport fueling up and gear being loaded. As he came to stop for a moment he spotted McCree. His heart thumped hard against his sternum as the cowboy lifted a heavy looking crate. Hanzo shook himself hard and jogged to catch up to Genji before the cowboy looked his way.

 

_Focus you have a job to do._

 

The briefing was, well, brief when they arrived in the staging area. Talon agents were trying to recruit some of the gangs that 76 had dealt with back in Dorado and were moving a lot of weapons into the area for a big transfer to Talon as tribute. Not just weapons according to some of the footage Athena had managed to get off of the local CCT cameras but medical supplies, armor, tools and other useful things Talon could do a lot of bad with.

 

“Alternatively,” Winston said adjusting his glasses “They could go a long way to helping us.”

 

“Thieve from thieves?” Genji asked and Hanzo could hear the troublesome smile behind his mask. “This should be amusing.”

 

“Not exactly noble.” Hanzo added and watched 76 tense up “But we cannot pass up the opportunity to strengthen ourselves and weaken our foes.” He glanced at the soldier and up at the screen “There is something else…”

 

“Perceptive as always.” Winston praised grinning at the archer “We have sightings of the operative that broke into our facility here before you arrived.” Winston said pulling up a few pictures. “Locally he’s referred to as The Reaper.”

 

“Catchy name. I do not fear him.” Genji grinned and Hanzo allowed a slight eye roll.

 

“References to obscure music aside.” Hanzo said as he looked over what info they had. “This Reaper seems very deadly. He attacked here, another incident at the Overwatch museum if I remember news feeds right. What do we know of him?”

 

“He employs tactics similar to those of older Blackwatch operatives, even sought a bunch of them out to recruit for Talon.” 76 snarled “He’s deadly and so far nothing we’ve done can hurt him besides electricity.” By the sounds of it, Hanzo mused, the old man wanted to do more damage to this character.

 

“Blackwatch?” Hanzo cocked his head to the side. Everyone looked nervous for a moment, even Genji in the way he shuffled his feet.

 

“The unsavory side of Overwatch back in the day.” Hanzo turned to see McCree enter, thumbs looped in his BAMF belt as he strode over to stand beside him looking at the screen. “Boss used to joke we were the garbage men of the world. Overwatch was the shiny hero side while us Blackwatchers… we did the dirty work. Espionage, assassinations, good ol kidnapping and extortion. Anything that would make Overwatch look bad, we did, and damn if we weren’t good at it.”

 

“You worked for that branch I take it?” Hanzo turned to regard McCree better, genuinely curious.

 

“From the tender age of 17 till Commander Morrison got me into Overwatch proper about a year before it all went to hell.” McCree shrugged. “Long story short Blackwatch’s Captain Reyes plucked me out of a raid on a gang I ran for. It was help his people or serve several life sentences in prison. I ain’t one for orange jump suits and barred windows.”

 

“I imagine not.” Well didn’t that just paint a very different picture of the outlaw, actual legitimate outlaw it seemed. “Red is more your color.”

 

“Mighty glad you think so Darlin’.” McCree grinned and Hanzo felt heat on his face. He looked away back to the screen furious with himself. “Red looks good on you too.”

 

“*ahem* We should stick in pairs to avoid being caught by this creature alone.” Hanzo suggested, trying to get on task. McCree’s body heat was warming him from the side he stood on, chasing off the cold of laying in the dunes at night.

 

“If Blackwatch is workin for Talon we’re in for a hell of a fight should we get into one.” McCree added sounding just a bit too excited.

 

“We cannot afford a loud firefight in such a civilian heavy area.” Winston reminded McCree “Authorities are already present and we’re technically committing a crime. If they become aware of our presence we have to evacuate or face legal ramifications due to the PETRAS act.”

 

“Shoot go and take all the fun out of it.” McCree pouted but Winston seemed unphased.

 

“Already worked out a few pairs and deployments.” 76 pulled up the map of the operation on the screen to get everyone back on track. “Genji and Reinhardt will take the north side, Lucio and myself will drift between the two to support and push as needed. The four of us will be the main distraction. Hanzo and McCree will be going into the south entrance and clear the landing pad so we can load up the cargo with Athena flying a cargo drone. Evac will be down here near the coast. Winston will be running C&C via Athena’s drones from here.”

 

“Sea side at night in Dorado. Think we got time to hit up that little taco stand? Ever had real tacos Darlin’?” McCree asked, nudging Hanzo with an elbow.

 

“Mission first your stomach later.” Hanzo chided without much heat in the admonishment. “Why will I not be working with Genji?”

 

“McCree needs cover and you are our infiltration specialist. McCree has the gunrunning knowledge. Genji has a better track record with Reinhardt and to be totally honest I don’t trust you not to do something stupid around him.” 76 sounded just a little too accusatory for Hanzo’s liking.

 

“Afraid I’ll shoot him?” The sarcasm bites even Hanzo as the words left his lips and the tightening of 76’s shoulders told him he didn’t appreciate it either.

 

“Afraid you’ll risk your ass in some martyr stunt to keep him safe and compromise my mission.” Hanzo flinched and frowned, wondering vaguely if the old man enjoyed knowing how that had twisted the knife in his chest.

 

“A… fair assessment.” The archer admitted and cleared his throat again. “Any contingency plans?”

 

“If anyone can’t get out we have a safe house on Route 66 if you can get over the border we can Evac at. We have an ally in the First Nation if shit goes bad but we shouldn’t need to reactivate Thunderbird.” 76 said bringing up the map. Doado was on the gulf coast near the bottom of the bend in the Yucatan peninsula. The evac point was somewhere between Arizona and Utah.

 

“I wonder how the ol bastard’s doin.” McCree said smiling fondly. “That is a long haul though for an Evac. That’s a solid 30 or more hours on the road plus a border hop.”

 

“Like I said contingency plan. So long as we don’t fuck up we won’t need to worry about it.” 76 said and Hanzo pretended to ignore the glare he received. “I got my eyes on you Shimada.”

 

“Keep them on the objectives.” Hanzo glared right back “keep my brother safe.”

 

“Or what? You’re hardly one to get protective of the man you killed.”

 

“Harp on this further and you may be next…”

 

“Ok, ok now.” McCree put himself between the two, a hand on each of the snarling men to force them apart. “I know you two are about as friendly as two cocks in a feed bag but back off. We got work to do and this ain’t helpin’.”

 

76 spun on his heels and stalked to the door “Wheels up in 20! Be on or be left!” he shouted. Winston wisely seemed to have disappeared or found something else to do beside be inundated by angry human hormones.

 

Hanzo stood with his fists clenched and head down, glaring at the spot 76 had been. He’d just gotten himself calm, convinced he could do this and once again he and 76 start snarling at one another. _You can do better than this! Why are you letting the old man rile you up? He isn’t wrong who are you to..._

 

“Darlin’? Hanzo… you with me?” McCree’s touch to his shoulder dragged him out of his thoughts, making his head snap up at the intrusion to his personal space. McCree pulled his hand back, keeping it in the air for a moment. “Easy… he sure does know how to push your buttons don’t he?”

 

“He is angry.” Hanzo felt like he was stating something akin to water being wet or the sky being blue.

 

“So are you.” McCree pointed out before rubbing the back of his neck “Look… about earlier today. I know you’re probably mad as a wet cat bout that and…I wanna apologize.”

 

“Earlier?” Hanzo dragged his thoughts past his conversation with Genji trying to remember when he last saw McCree.

 

_Metal fingers pressing between his cheeks, chest sweaty and heaving from want, thighs shaking ‘Oh Darlin’’_

 

“Right… that.” Fire spread across Hanzo’s face again, nearly stealing his air to breath and speak, churning his stomach. “I should have knocked.” He backed up a step to bow “My apologies.”

 

“Now wait, you ain’t mad? Ain’t gunna put an arrow in my head for that? For thinking of you?”

 

“No. We share the space and you can do as you please.” Hanzo shook his head and ignored the last part. “We have a mission.” Hanzo added too loudly, trying desperately to direct the conversation anywhere but where it was going. He took a step to leave but McCree touched his arm to stop him. It wasn’t even a firm grip, feather light and warm, but it stopped him like a wall.

 

“Why did you run?” McCree’s voice was too soft as he asked and Hanzo couldn’t breathe for a moment “Why ain’t you lookin at me?” The touch to his chin startled Hanzo but he looked up to meet McCree’s gaze as he was directed. Everything felt on fire and that churning moved lower in his belly where it’d only cause problems. “Did I do something to upset you?”

 

“No...Yes...maybe.” Hanzo’s mouth opened a few times, flames moved down his neck now hot with shame. _You’re a grown man, be articulate._ “I…” _come on words you were here a second ago._ The silence stretched on and all Hanzo could do was stand there like a mute fool.

 

“Ok let's take this simple like.” McCree’s voice again went gentle and he wished it hadn’t. “You aren’t mad?” Hanzo shook his head. “You aren’t disgusted?” again he shook his head desperate to look anywhere but those kind eyes and soft expression. It was impossible not to. “You liked what you saw?” McCree’s tone had a touch of pride and heat behind it that made Hanzo stammer a little, looking at the floor and muttering apologies.

 

“Ok we hit a cord...Hanzo you ain’t never been fancied by a fella before have you? Not like that anyway?” McCree asked keeping his tone soft, quiet, conversational between the two of them. He sounded so genuine it hurt. “Never fancied him back either?”

 

“I have had no need of such things.” he hears his father’s voice when he said the words, repeated over a lifetime and he winces at himself for the lie. _It isn’t a lie it’s just your lot in life_. McCree must have caught the wince or maybe he heard Hanzo’s loud inner monologue because his other hand came up to hold Hanzo’s wrist so he can’t flee. Despite the cool metal it's was a soft touch. _Those digits were other places where he wanted you to be._

 

“You been alone for a decade. Look I know what that’s like but it ain’t the same; my decade and yours. You been alone this whole time?” McCree sounds skeptical and Hanzo does not blame him. He is a people person after all and Hanzo’s exile had been meant to be isolating. _So I hurt no one but myself._

 

“As I said I had no need for such things. Have no need for such things.” Hanzo tried to sound confident but the conversation he’d had in the dunes with Genji reminded him he wasn’t.

 

“Then why did you run? Why are you blushin’ pink as sakura and shaking with just a touch?” McCree’s words cut deep and he froze. The touch receded and he took a half step to follow it, loathed to lose the heat. _I don’t want to be cold and alone again_. _Desperate, mewling whore..._

 

“You don’t gotta say it out loud but are you scared?” The silence and Hanzo’s sudden perfect stillness seemed to answer McCree’s question. The cowboy backed off another step and Hanzo forced himself not to follow. “I’ll ease off. Just… before we went out there I wanted to talk. To apologize for bein dishonorable towards you in thought and action. I know it means a lot to you and I was worried you were angry. I would say I’d stop but I do fancy you quite a bit. More than just a roll in the hay with my boots on.”

 

“This is… a most inopportune time to speak of this matter.” Hanzo bit out managing to find his outrage at being reduced to that brainless _thing_ of want and desire and yes fear at McCree’s sweet words.

 

“We’ll let it drop for now. Look I got your back and I know you’ll get mine out there. The rest we can talk about when you’re ready but I don’t wanna push.”

 

“How gentlemanly of you.” Hanzo snorted and glanced up to see a grin as Jesse took off his hat and held it to his chest.

 

“Hey I was a perfect gentlemen to Genji when we was tussilin.” He proclaimed “I promise to be with you too; if you’ll let me.”

 

“A tussle is all you desire then?” Just fuck buddies, nothing serious, Genji was rarely serious about relationships and seemed so eager to pass his brother onto his old partner.

 

“With you? No, if we’re being hand to God honest.” McCree admitted “We can talk about it after the job, right?”

 

“I doubt you’ll let me out of agreeing.” Hanzo resigned himself to dreading the conversation and maybe just sleeping on the stupid couch in the lounge for the rest of forever.

 

“Darlin’ if you ain’t interested I ain’t pesterin” McCree shook his head then smiled that stupid endearing smile he had on his face _after he came and you watched him_ “But something in me says you’re interested. Do you want to talk about it later?”

 

“No…” he hated how reluctant that sounded, the fear spearing him in the gut at the word. He’d admitted to Genji he had a crush he can admit to himself he can be a man and talk about it like an adult. “I respect you; however, so I am willing to hold the conversation after the mission.”

 

“Thank you, Hanzo.” McCree smiled at him and he felt a little triumphant but also full of trepidation.

 

“Are we done with this conversation?” Hanzo peered up at McCree again who let his posture relax and the boisterous nature of his voice return.

 

“Yes we are. I took the liberty of loading some of your gear on the transport. Winston’s put together some more arrows for you too and I got a case all set aside for you to look at.” He paused and scratched at his neck again. “You want me to pretend like this didn’t happen?”

 

Hanzo opened his mouth to say yes but paused and shook his head instead “It happened. There… is no point in ignoring it but we must keep our heads on the mission at hand. All else is a distraction.”

 

“I’ll try not to be too distracting, Darlin’.” McCree put his hat back on and winked. He bowed dramatically then sauntered off, spurs jangling as he headed for the transport bay.

 

 _That is impossible for you, oaf._ Hanzo let out a heavy sigh and followed the cowboy out to the loading dock.

 

Hanzo avoids sitting near McCree, who parked down next to Reinhardt and started talking about the ‘glory’ to come and ‘food trucks’ and ‘that one time Reinhardt ran headlong into one and smelled of carnita for a week’. He pulled his legs up to sit lotus and feign meditation to avoid talking to Lucio who skated past him to sit near McCree and hear more stories. His gear was already playing music - light and up-tempo - to help charge them up for the fight.

 

Athena informed them as the door to the transport shut and Genji sat in the jump seat beside him, that the ride would be about 14 hours. A commercial flight would take nearly twice that but the transport was built to be faster. With the computer flying it could cut time. 76 sat up in the cockpit to maneuver the transport out of the hanger until Athena could autopilot them the rest of the way. Hanzo didn’t doubt that he’d remain up there. He hoped he would anyway.

 

The space isn’t large, maybe the size of a bus, with a holo table in the middle of the main area. Cargo is stored along the walls in connecting containers and beneath the jump seats. Two sets of stairs on either side of the transport lead up to either the cockpit or what seemed to be a galley area in the rear. Beneath the Cockpit was a medical bay that was sparsely stocked. On the other side beneath the galley were small bunks for sleeping and a closet Hanzo assumed was the head. He entertained the thought of Reinhardt fitting into the small space for a few minutes before the ship lurched as it broke into higher speeds, causing Hanzo to rock and bump into Genji beside him.

 

“I should have warned you.” Genji teased slightly, pushing his brother back upright “We will be going supersonic for most of the flight.” Hanzo glared and worked his jaw as his ears popped at the sudden pressure change.

 

“I had wondered how we’d get there so fast.” Hanzo rubbed beneath his ear to ease the pain. He never did fly well.

 

“/So… did you and McCree talk?/” Genji at least had the forethought to switch to Japanese as he asked. “/You look flustered again./”

 

“/We spoke and agreed to deal with whatever it is when we return./” Hanzo sighed and tried to get back into a position to meditate. It never worked to deter a curious Genji in his youth. “/I am not flustered./”

 

“/Your heart rate is up, your temperature is too, and you keep glancing over at him./”

 

“/Thermal vison?/” Hanzo glanced at Genji’s face plate realizing he had no idea what kind of augments he really had.

 

“/ I’m watching the vein in your forehead flush… you know the one that pops out when you’re mad/” Genji reached over, grin in his voice, and poked at Hanzo’s forehead. Hanzo swatted at his hand earning a laugh.

 

“/Are we really going to do this hours before a possible fight for our lives?/”

 

“/Are you going to avoid the fact you have feelings?/” Genji shot back and he felt his chest tighten from the impact.

 

“/Until a more appropriate time to feel them yes./” Hanzo emphasized the last word as he tried to get back into Lotus to meditate.

 

“/It isn’t healthy brother./” The concern was palpable in Genji’s voice. Sadly Hanzo had no time for it.

 

“/Neither is letting one’s mind wander to frivolous things before a battle./” Like stupid smiles, or grumpy old men, or wanting to go out for tacos.

 

“/Emotions aren’t frivolous. Neither are connections to your teammates./” It sounded practiced to Hanzo, something the omnic would say.

 

“/They are when it isn’t focused on keeping alive and obtaining our objectives./”

 

“Hanzo...!”

 

“Genji...?”

 

“Ugh you’re impossible. You’re just going to sit there and sulk aren’t you?” Genji got up to stand in front of Hanzo with his hands on his hips.

 

“/I am not sulking. I am trying to meditate./” Hanzo growled sounding very far from the serene picture he painted.

 

“With you it’s the same thing.” Genji had switched back to English which only seemed to attract attention Hanzo did not want. The cyborg leaned in close to get into Hanzo’s personal space. He could feel the sizzle of their wills in the small space between them.

 

“/Don’t you have batteries to recharge or something?/”

 

“Oh very mature, big brother.”

 

“Daww look brotherly love.” Lucio’s voice intruded and it made Hanzo bristle, firing one of his thousand yard glares at the musician. He had a camera out. “Zenny is gunna love this.”

 

Hanzo felt a growl work up the back of his throat but Genji put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“It isn’t worth it”

 

“/It is if the next pictures he takes are from the inside of his rectum/”

 

“What did he say?” Lucio bounced in his seat, looking to Genji.

 

“He’s camera shy and hopes you don’t post them on the web.” Genji at least sounded like he translated it correctly and Lucio backed down, snapping a few more pictures anyway.

 

Hanzo let out a disgruntled snort and stood, stalking towards the bunk area. The other’s voices filtered out as they talked. Genji was apologizing for Hanzo as the archer crawled up into one of the top bunks. He tucked into a corner of the space, back turned to the rest of the room. Now he was sulking but he could use a little sleep considering how poorly he’d slept the night before. _How you used to apologize for Genji to guests and family and now look at him apologize for you._

 

He felt heat against his back for a moment, turning his head to spot McCree’s hat before it tipped back. “Warm enough?”

 

“I am fine.” Hanzo winced at his harshness before adding “it is not too cold here.”

 

“Blankets are in the cabinet at the bottom of the bunk.” McCree pointed to a compartment near Hanzo’s feet. “If you wanna take your legs off for the trip you can store them in there. I hate sleepin with my spurs on.” He then reached up to what looked like a pipe along the top edge of the bunk and pulled. It was a curtain, opaque gray in color. “For privacy.”

 

It wasn’t privacy McCree was offering Hanzo realized. No, it was somewhere safe. Somewhere he could find solitude on this too small vessel with too many people and frayed emotions barely controlled. When had McCree learned to read him so well? When had the oaf of a man, the barbarian from another era learned to look out for Hanzo without his knowing? Hanzo looked to see if anyone was glancing their way but they were all engrossed in Genji retelling some story and Reinhardt laughing. He looked back to McCree who had that damned soft smile that eased tension out of his body on his face again.

 

“Thank you.” He couldn’t find enough air in his lungs to do more than whisper, rolling a little to better face the cowboy. It was rude to have your back to someone. _I got your back and I know you’ll get mine._

 

“My pleasure. I’ll come get ya when we do grub. Nothin fancy but we shouldn’t go knockin down Death’s door without somethin to eat first.” He tipped his hat with a wink and pulled the curtain down, securing it with Velcro before walking off.

 

He couldn’t hear much beyond the fabric, something in its construction blocking out noise. The space wasn’t too big but enough so he could sit up some. He grabbed the blanket out of the cubby at the base of the bunk, even took off his prosthetics and tucked them against the wall. He laid down wrapped in the gray and orange fleece on slightly crunchy small flight pillow and wondered what they’d be eating. He should be thinking about the mission. Should be going over maps and plans, looking at the theorized manifest of loot awaiting them not… preparing for a damn nap hours before the mission.

 

He couldn’t shake the bad feeling in his gut even as he felt warmed with the idea that McCree cared about him. That the gunslinger had been thoughtful enough to help him feel comfortable when he obviously wasn’t. Focus and peace were hard to grasp but sleep he could manage. Maybe a little rest could help reset his attitude and sharpen his focus where it ought to be.

 

The thought of a warm hand under his chin that eased him to close his eyes. The memory of a soft whisky deep voice speaking assurances and that damned soft smile helped drag him under.

 

In his sleep the Dragons stirred, unconvinced of roguish assurances. They let him sleep though. He would need it.

 


End file.
